Yuletide by the fireside – or something like that.

Well, Christmas has come and gone. I always feel like the preparation is so intense. As it gets closer to December 25th, the stores are even more packed and traffic is crazy; people get crazy. You do all the wrapping and cooking, Christmas music playing for 3 weeks straight. At least that’s what it’s like for me. Then it comes, and then it’s over. The next day you kind of don’t know what to do with yourself. Then again, my dining room table reminds me that there’s plenty to do:

Anyway, I had a very nice Christmas with my family, gave and received nice gifts, and did eat a lot. Although, Christmas Eve did not exactly go smoothly.

My husband loves to cook and bake – I never do unless I have to. I’m very lucky with that. So he was slaving over the kitchen on Christmas Eve from 7:30am until about 1:30pm. He made a flourless chocolate cake with chocolate mousse and raspberry sauce, a seafood dip with french bread “chips”, and a sweet potato casserole. I was having the weirdest morning, while all this cooking was going on. I felt exhausted. So much so that I took two little naps, and just generally laid around. I wasn’t that hungry, either. I skipped my kick-boxing class, which I had originally really wanted to go to. I don’t know what the deal was.

Also, I was still recovering from my massive bout of lip hives from the night before. I did take a picture, which I will not be sharing. This was one of the worst bouts I’ve had of it – when I woke up in the morning I had trouble speaking and eating because my lips were so huge. My entire face was swollen, including my eyes. Good times.

By the afternoon the swelling had gone down enough for me to leave the house. We left for my aunt’s around 2:00. Not ten minutes into the ride, we took a sharp turn, and the seafood dip, which was on the floor of the backseat, had tipped and spilled everywhere. We pulled over, I got out – and burst into tears. What? That is not usually me. But I did – I started hysterically crying, and also got really angry. I wanted to take the entire glass dish and throw it and hear it smash. Instead, I grabbed handfuls of seafood dip and threw it into the woods. Finally, we got back into the car and kept driving, with the windows open because the car smelled like fish. My hands reeked and my makeup was runny. Merry Christmas! I have NO idea why I acted like that. I’ve been saying I felt badly that my husband did so much cooking and then it was ruined, so quickly. That was part of it, but otherwise – I have no clue. I thought this was as bad as my Christmas Eve was going to get.

We got to my aunt’s house and everything was fine. I ate a few little gluten-free appetizers, talked, etc. Drank water. Around dinner, the smells in the kitchen started making me nauseous. Like, can’t-be-around-food nauseous. The meal was put out – I did something I’ve never done at a family function – I laid down on the couch and missed the whole meal. I started feeling a lump in my throat (geez, this makes me sound/feel so paranoid!) I’ve had a hive in my throat before – it’s kind of scary. You start to panic that your throat might close up. I used to have an Epi-pen, but it expired and was thrown away, thus causing my panic even more. So between my nausea and lump in my throat I was a mess. I felt the anxiety start to creep up on me  – what if my throat really did close, and I had to go to the hospital? Long story short, about two hours later I drank some hot tea and it worked wonders – calmed me down, lessened the throat lump, increased my appetite. I had my dinner around 9:00; never touched dessert. I was fine the last few hours. Went to bed – besides the hives on my back and arms yesterday morning (nothing compared to when they are on my face), I was fine all yesterday.

So it was not my favorite Christmas for all of those reasons, and these. 1) I don’t like hives. 2) I don’t like anxiety, and 3) I especially don’t like when it tries to take control over my brain, which I’m usually so good about keeping level-headed. Ugh.

For those of you without babies on this Christmas, I don’t know if you’d agree, but there’s almost a sense of relief that this holiday is over. Time to get back to work on expanding the family. Those doctor’s offices should open up again, and you can look towards January with positivity – 2012 is a new year; it’s going to be a good one.

Clomid starts tomorrow.


By the way – did anyone have any funny/not so funny Christmas stories they’d like to share? Anyone’s food tip over in the car?


13 thoughts on “Yuletide by the fireside – or something like that.

  1. Ess says:

    The holidays have been a bit hit and miss so far – haven’t really felt like seeing ppl. I had a miscarraige in September and I would’ve been 6 months by now – very few ppl here know. I had really been looking forward to coming home (I live in another part of the country) and sharing the news. I’ve had a bit of a black cloud over me with all the what-ifs. However, I am happy to be home with friends and family. I also had a bit of a Christmas melt-down (crying fit and so on) and have been feeling a bit better since then. Really sorry to hear about your evening. However, feeling really happy that your clomid starts tomorrow. Can’t wait to read all about your experience. Hopefully I’ll be just a few weeks behind you. I’ve been thinking about starting a a blog too. There is something very therapeutic about it. : )
    Like you I can’t wait to shut the door on the holidays and say hello to 2012. It can only get better from here. Feel free to msg. me if you ever want to chat!

  2. futuresoccermom says:

    Thank you so much for your comment. I’m so sorry about your miscarriage – not only is going through that hard enough, but telling people would be torture. They won’t know how to respond..it’s uncomfortable…wretched. However, I can also imagine that finally getting it off your chest is a relief, for your sanity. That’s how I felt about telling relatives just that I was having trouble getting pregnant. And hey, nothing wrong with a Christmas meltdown! Thank you for your positive thoughts – I highly recommend starting a blog. It has really been such a help for me, going through all this. I love it now; I’m fairly addicted to it. Make one and let me know – I’ll sign up!

  3. K says:

    I’m glad you found me! I just finished my 3rd round of clomid on Friday so I have a little experience wih it. I was surprised that the dose I started with didn’t actually work. It wasn’t until a round of provera and a higher dose did I get real results (other than side effects). Other than the hot flashes, mood swings have been the worst. My husband is learning what to look out for though and is kind enough to not hold my crazy against me!

    • K says:

      I stopped at 100 mg but saw that you can go up to 200 mg or so. I didn’t feel like the higher dose gave any more or less side effects but read that the highest allowable doses are much riskier than the 50 or 100 that we are taking

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