Now I know why it’s a smiley face :)

Well, if there’s one thing I have learned so far while struggling with fertility it’s this: the highs are so high, and the lows are very low. Up and down, up and down. It’s a roller coaster ride.

I felt pretty low when my OB-GYN wouldn’t help me anymore, and sent me to an RE. I felt giddy when I found out I could see this new RE in less than a week after that gyno appointment. I felt equally happy when my RE did an ultrasound and said, flat out: “Well, it looks like you’re not ovulating. That’s the problem.” I was so happy to have an answer to my long cycles, irregular periods, and lack of ovulation.

Then I had to wait. Waiting for extended periods of time always drag me down. I had to go through an entire cycle before I could start Clomid, because my RE meeting that day was already at least CD 5 or so. Then I needed Provera, of course. Then I got my Clomid.

Predicted ovulation time for Clomid came and went. I read online that many people found they had a late ovulation when on Clomid, and I tried to keep that in mind as I felt myself get lower and lower. I got into that funk.

Well. Last Thursday I went for my CD 21 ultrasound, which is typical for when you’re on Clomid. I panicked at the lab, because the less-than-professional young nurse was giving me crap about coming in too close to the closing time. Luckily, she still took my blood. Of course, obviously I didn’t ovulate. That’s what they were checking. I temp every day, check my CM, use OPK’s, and faithfully chart it on Fertility Friend. I didn’t ovulate. So imagine my surprise, on Friday night, when I got home at 5:00 and found this message on my answering machine:

“Well, it looks as if you’re about to ovulate, which is good….hmm…if I were you I’d go have a really fun weekend (as she snickers). We want to see you Monday for blood work again, to see if you did ovulate.”

What?? I was actually about to POAS anyway, so I went ahead and did it, and got this beautiful image:

That made my day. In all these months, I’ve seen that smiley face one time, just once. I think it was a fluke. I almost believe it never even happened. Now, it did. I’ve spent the weekend analyzing my new friend, Ovulation. Who knew? I had some major cramping all Friday and Saturday, which was a new feeling. It felt like period cramps, but of course I knew it wasn’t. My left side (near my ovary) was more sore than the right, so I assume I ovulated through that one. I have no idea, this is all new to me.

I’ve been back on a high. That said, our BD timing wasn’t…perfect. Not exactly how I wanted it to be, and I was a little concerned. But it was still there, and I’m just going to hope it was enough. I had a smiley face two days in a row, and then today, back to nothing. I assume it happened, but my temperature hasn’t risen yet.  A quick google search told me that some people take a day or two after ovulation for their temps to rise. Mine better rise. Granted, tomorrow I’m going for another blood test, so I’ll find out there if it happened or not. But it sure felt like it happened.

So I’m basically about to start the two week wait (TWW). Yuck. I have spent enough of my brain cells on all of this recently, so it would be really nice if I could just not think about it. I’m already talking myself out of it working (since the timing was not as ideal as it could have been) and planning on fixing that in the next cycle. I can’t get my hopes up.

Yet, I’ve done something bad already – I’ve allowed myself to daydream about that wondrous day when I find out that I am, in fact pregnant. Will I cry? Scream? Laugh? Stare at it blankly? How will I tell people? Will I tell people?

Why am I thinking about this??

Not yet. One day at a time.

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26 thoughts on “Now I know why it’s a smiley face :)

  1. Hope says:

    Congrats on ovulating! That is a huge step I the right direction. I hope this TWW isn’t too hard for you. I’ll be thinking of you. 🙂

  2. Ess says:

    I’m so very happy for you. This is such a significant milestone. I hope the 2ww flies by! I’m right there with ya on the day dreaming. Hope you have a restful Sunday. 🙂

  3. Psycholovista says:

    yay! So happy for you – what a relief! If you can do it once, you can do it twice, thrice, and more 🙂 But here’s to hoping that you won’t have to for at least another 9 months!

  4. K says:

    Congratulations! Did you do a double and triple take when you saw the smiley face? I always have to because I have a hard time that anything considered normal is true for me.
    If your timing was off this cycle, that’s ok. You have an solution now and get to try again in another month or so! A month, not 4!
    Good luck!

    • futuresoccermom says:

      Thank you 🙂 Yes, I did a double take and said something out loud, even though I was the only one home. It was something along the lines of “you’ve got to be kidding me!” luckily I thought to take a picture. I love how you reminded me that if it doesn’t work..I won’t be waiting that long. I hadn’t thought of that! Thanks!!

  5. Krista says:

    Yeah! Such great news! And the best part is that it’s your first time on Clomid and it sounds like it did what it’s supposed to do. Seems like you’re on the right track and I think that’s worth celebrating!!!

  6. Jenna says:

    Ovulating is the first step! Exciting! Good luck with the 2 WW, they are excruciating. My mind certainly wanders all sorts of places and considers all the “what ifs”. The best defense is to stay as busy as possible and do not poas early!

    • futuresoccermom says:

      You’ve got that right! I’m trying to decide what to do to keep my mind off of it today. I’m already telling myself to waiting before poas-ing…yuck. Not sure I could hold off til dpo14, but I’ll try for 12…thanks for the comment 🙂

  7. alleycatm says:

    Sounds fantastic, good luck with the 2ww. I am keeping everything crossed for you

    “I’ve allowed myself to daydream about that wondrous day when I find out that I am, in fact pregnant. Will I cry? Scream? Laugh? Stare at it blankly? How will I tell people? Will I tell people?”

    I do this every month, cycle after cycle and each time promise myself never again but hey this is part of hoping and hope is the one thing that we need that keeps us going.

    Thinking of you and will pray for you = BFP

    • futuresoccermom says:

      You’re right – even though it can be painful to day dream like that, it represents positive thinking! Which is a good thing to have, I guess. Thank you for your comment and support! 🙂

  8. Megan says:

    I just wanted to say that I know exactly what you mean about feeling up and down constantly. I do have to say, however, that I did not feel low when my GYN referred me to an RE. I was so excited to make the appointment with her just to get the referral. Don’t get me wrong, my GYN is great when it comes to my annuals. But, she knows nothing about getting me pregnant. She wasn’t convinced that I was ovulating although I have been charting for MONTHS and have a sustained temp shift every cycle that coincides with a positive OPK. She STILL insists that I need to “target day 14” while having sex even though I have told her repeatedly that I don’t ovulate until day 19 or 20. She just knows squat about getting me pregnant…

    I use the digital OPKs as well. I hate those stupid dye tests and trying to determine whether or not it is positive or not. This way, it is a yes or no. Remember though, that you might not have ovulated right after your LH surge. Sure, we are supposed to have our surge 24 – 36 hours before we ovulate, but sometimes it is not that quick. So, if your temp didn’t spike until three days after your :), then you probably ovulated two days after the :). You have the benefit of being monitored though. They will be able to give you the definite date. You can adjust your chart accordingly. Speaking of charts, I would love to see yours!

    All of my fingers are crossed for you!!

    • futuresoccermom says:

      See, now that would drive my crazy. Your gyno still believing in the CD 14 myth. Yuck! Yeah, clearly you know a lot more about it than she does. How frustrating! I am glad to have my RE, for sure. It was a relief to meet with him. But I had been hoping my gyno could’ve helped out a bit more. Oh well. As for the OPK’s – yeah, I’m glad you mentioned all of that because I’m not entirely sure when I ovulated, still. I’m going to upload my chart in a new post soon, and have you guys take a look at it. I just hope our BD timing was okay…thanks for the comment! 🙂

  9. beckyborgman says:

    I just wrote about “waiting” on my blog today and what I am trying to do to get through the “waiting”- between period and while we wait to see if my husband’s varicocelectomy worked. It is a common thing among us who are having fertility struggles but I will pray that your wait is not only fast, but ends with another smiley face!

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