The Torturous TWW

So I did officially ovulate, which is wonderful. I had my CD 21 blood drawn, except it was on CD 24…close enough. The head nurse to my RE called and said, “Well, you definitely ovulated.” I don’t know how definitely factors into it – I figured it was a “yes, you did” or “no, you didn’t” kind of thing, but my numbers must have been high. I looked at what they were testing me for – estradiol, progesterone, and LH.

All in all, it was a decently stressful, or at least high-anxiety weekend. I ovulated for the first time, possibly ever, and I knew how short the window of opportunity was. I can see how getting lost in the details of that can overshadow the whole reason you’re doing it in the first place. I just kept thinking, we need to do this, we need to do this. It was basically all that was on my brain. Like I said in my last post, in the end, the timing wasn’t perfect – it wasn’t completely ideal. However, it wasn’t horrible, and I’m still not exactly sure when I actually ovulated. If this does go on to next cycle, my mission will be to put the fun back in baby-making. I’ll chalk all this up to it being round 1, but that’s all I’m allowed.

A couple of people asked me about my specific chart, so I decided to post it here and get all of your two cents on it:

As you can see, Fertility Friend didn’t even specify ovulation date yet, or show me a coverline. However, if I remember my facts correctly, you ovulate usually on the last low day before the temp spike, right? So in that case, I would’ve ovulated on CD 24, which was Sunday. I’m guessing Saturday was the key day, and we missed that one, but I’m not going to panic over it.

I’m not all that impressed with the temperatures on my chart. I assumed my spike would’ve been a bit higher. However, I know that I absolutely did ovulate, so I’m going to go with that.

Never did I think, years or even months ago, that I’d be putting the personal details of my life (through my chart, or even my blog for that matter) on the internet for all the world to see. When you want to have a child so badly, that modest thinking seems to go out the window. Or at least it does for me.

So as I’m officially in the TWW, yesterday I did what I assume most crazed TWW-ers do – I googled everything under the sun. And I mean everything. I read every article and every post on every topic related to finding out about being pregnant. I found this website, designed to keep my mind busy with other people’s successes in the TWW, and this one, all about pregnancy tests and OPKs. I looked at other people’s charts on FF. Sometimes I felt better, sometimes I felt worse.

What I discovered was this: I can’t do that. It’s bad for my mental health. It’s just not a good idea! Luckily, I went back to work today, and my mind was kept busy on that. I imagine I’ll be pretty good up until this coming weekend, when I find myself having more free time. I basically can’t stop myself from researching and scouring the internet unless my brain is somewhere else. So, I’ve just started looking at pinterest – though I have no idea how it works. I have a book that needs finishing. I could always do some planning for work. I think I need a new hobby. Of course, blogging is my favorite new hobby, but when I blog, that means I’m thinking about it. So that doesn’t help.

I’m only two days past ovulation (DPO). I’ve got to get all the way to 14 DPO. On that day, I’m allowed to call my head nurse, and she’ll do the blood pregnancy test (and I’ll do my own). I’m not sure I can hold off on POAS until 14 DPO…..but I’ll try.

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21 thoughts on “The Torturous TWW

  1. Jenna says:

    Good luck my IF friend! It’s so true, TMI goes out the window when you are dealing with IF! I am willing to put it all out there not just online, but also in my support group with people face to face. Ha!

    Good luck with the 2WW, it really is pure torture. My advice- put the kabash on Google. I did it with my first two IUI’s and went crazy over it. You start wondering things and looking up every little twinge. Also, try no to poas…that also makes you go insane. Wait until the end of the 2WW at least. Just keep your mind busy as possible, it makes all the difference.

  2. Curly Sue says:

    Congratulations on your first official 2ww! It is so hard not to drive yourself insane with the “what ifs”. Just keep reminding yourself that there’s pretty much nothing you can do at this point to influence fertilizing of your egg and implantation. I think that’s why the 2ww is so hard – we want *control* and we want to know what’s going on inside our bodies, but we can’t. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for your BFP in 14 days 😉

  3. K says:

    Yay TWW! I agree, I’ve been googling constantly for the last few days. At this point, I think any more knowledge would be a bad thing!

    • futuresoccermom says:

      I was hoping you’d take a look at my chart! I go back and forth on it, but I guess there’s nothing I can do now. You were right, I got my cross hairs today, after another high temp. I should’ve waited to make my post until today! Thank you for your input!!

  4. Tami says:

    Yup, Megan is right- your cross-hairs should show tomorrow (3 days after raised temps) and with that, your timing looks pretty good actually. And I will tell you what my Dr. told me, “Step away from Google”. I think we all probably go through this, but it really does make it so much worse. I found a good trick is to pick an activity, and when you find yourself Googling crazy TTC things, then immediately go to that pre-planned activity. It worked pretty well with me AND got me off of the computer. The mental game is a tough one though.

    • futuresoccermom says:

      Yes, you were right. I got my cross hairs today, saying I ovulated Sunday. I should’ve waited a day to make my post! Hopefully the timing was good..I’m a little worried about it but trying to just go with it. Your idea about a pre- determined non-googling activity is a great one. Now if only I had the self control. What is your go-to activity?

  5. Emily @ablanket2keep says:

    Good luck on your 2WW! I am a little over a week in. STAY AWAY FROM GOOGLE!!!! I have not googled anything in a month and even though I have the urge to, not doing it has been the best thing. Keep busy. I have been watching tv shows on netflix and just trying to relax. I have also been trying to catch up on all the posts I have missed over the past week.

  6. Rachel @ Eggs In A Row says:

    14 days sounds so far away. I’m sorry! Hopefully I’ll be in the 2WW with you soon and then I can harass you to keep you entertained! xo

  7. Not-So-Fertile Girl says:

    Thanks for posting all of this information! I’m really anxious waiting for my RE appointment (tomorrow – finally!), but I feel a lot better after reading this post. It gives me an idea of what the next few months might be like. I’ve gotten to the point that I hate that smiley face (PCOS means I get “false positives” for ovulation.) I can’t wait for it to start showing up and actually mean something. More though, I can’t wait for someone to do a test and say “Yes, you did ovulate,” or “No, you didn’t!” The trying and finding out later that there was really no chance is really starting to take its toll on us.

    • futuresoccermom says:

      Well thank YOU! I love to get a new comment 🙂 How did the RE appt go? I haven’t checked my email yet today to see if you’ve posted about it. I agree about the ovulation. This was obviously my first time ovulating, and it was nice to get those smiley faces and know they meant something. Of course, the pressure once you see them is massive! Oh well, I’m not complaining about that aspect of things. Good luck with the next few months!

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