10 DPO, and I’ve gone mad!

It has been three days since my last post, and I feel like it’s been years. Apparently I got used to frequent postings! I wasn’t going to post today, either, but I figured doing a little recap wouldn’t hurt. The reason I haven’t posted is because…

…I’m crazy. Totally insane. I’ve lost my mind, my sanity, I am completely nuts. All thanks to the fun and exciting TWW.

I am 10 DPO. A little cramping (feels like AF cramping, but then, it always has) here and there, hungry constantly (hello, emotional eating), and temps above the cover line. That’s it.

Last cycle, I spotted on 9 and 10 DPO, and got AF on 11 DPO. Hence, you can imagine my excitement at not having any spotting yet. That said, if I did spot, it could be implantation spotting, but since I wouldn’t know for sure, for my sanity I’d just like to not have any spotting, please. The other thing in the back of my mind is that I took B6 pills this round and the non-ovulation round as well, to lengthen the luteal phase. I have heard success of doing this with this pill, so I gave it a whirl. My fear is that my LP has been lengthened, but I’m not pregnant, causing me to wonder for additional days than necessary about why I haven’t spotted yet.

It’s only 10 DPO. I am not testing, yet. However, some people do get positives on 10 DPO. But what if I don’t? I can’t put myself through that. It will have to wait.

Ha – can you see how this post is going? It’s a whole bunch of rambling. While annoying, thank you for allowing me to spill it out, because that is exactly what goes through my head all day, every day. I woke up at 5:00 this morning, took my temp, started Googling. In bed. When I should’ve gone back to sleep for 45 minutes. But I couldn’t! How could I possibly sleep when I am this close to this amazing, life-changing goal?

I’m over-analyzing my chart, I know. However, does it concern you that my post-o temps are so…flat? Where’s the spike, for implantation? Where’s the drop, for implantation? This chart tells me I haven’t implanted anything yet, if I was going to at all. My thermometer is new, it works wonderfully..I’m a big fan. It’s not the thermometer. I’m really stuck at 98.2. If it jumps up, just once, a big jump, I will be thrilled. But I’d rather have it flat than a drop, too. This is torture.

I wasn’t like this last time. Not this bad. Partly because #1 I knew my timing wasn’t great last time, so it was a shot in the dark. #2 I thought it unlikely to happen the first time around, and #3, I had spotting at 9 DPO so it was all over before I could even consider all of this.

There have been so many BFP’s lately, especially with so many of you bloggers, and I just feel like…this could be so nice, to join you. If it doesn’t happen this cycle, I know it will another cycle. I know I’m going to have a child. It’s just…so hard to start all over. To take Clomid again, go through this waiting thing, again. Wait to ovulate, wait out the TWW. I can’t believe I am so close and I could simply be about to start it over again. Or…maybe not. Maybe I have something here. The timing was practically perfect, after all. I just wish these stupid AF-like cramps would go away and stop worrying me.

There’s a lot riding on this cycle, and I’ve really put my everything into it. I’m hoping for a miracle!

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11 thoughts on “10 DPO, and I’ve gone mad!

  1. Ess says:

    Sending you lots of positive thoughts! Things are looking food. I remember feeling the exact same way with my first cycle of clomid. I was beyond insane and a complete google monster. Taking a different approach this cycle all together and hoping it works. I’ve been taking B6 for months now and despite last cycle I’ve always had a nice luteal phase. Here’s to hoping it does the trick for you!

  2. Hope says:

    Yeah, my head goes round and round like that, too. I’ll be sending you lots of positive thoughts for this cycle. I know what you mean about wanting to join all the people who have gotten BFP’s recently!

  3. Jenna says:

    I pray that this is the one for you, but if not don’t let it discourage you. You will become a mom! Have you asked for them to start monitoring you with ultrasounds? I would be asking for that so you know what is going on and to help get the timing just right, it is all so time sensitive!

  4. thechocolatecupcake says:

    I know exactly what you mean. It’s insane right. I tested two days ago even though I knew it wasn’t going to be a positive. Every symptom COULD be the “pregnancy” symptom. Sheesh… Baby dust to you… 🙂

  5. ozifrog says:

    Totally get what you’re feeling. People talk about how difficult ivf cycles are, but I seriously found the growing panic of natural cycles as the months went on way worse. Because you know you’re ‘trying’, the weeks of thinking about it, what you drink etc are just hard. I seemed two have two weeks of feeling good and two weeks of feeling on tenterhooks every single month. And confusing signals from your body just complicate the whole deal. Don’t forget there is always the more reliable blood test to tell you one way or the other… And then it can be easier to put it behind you and start afresh. Good luck… I hope you get your bfp very soon.

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