Stair-stepping, Round 2.

I’m back for an update.

My follicle, which was 16 mm last Friday, has stopped growing. In fact, my nurse wonders whether it was ever a follicle at all, or maybe a cyst. If it was a follicle, there is no egg inside. My estrogen levels have actually gone down, when they should have gone up. Of course, I knew this already and hated having to wait a certain amount of days to be told this.

I am stair-stepping again, for the second cycle in a row (out of three total). They are bumping me up to 150 mg of Clomid, and I start it today. What was CD 25 this morning has just become CD 5, again. I am nervous about the hot flashes – they were bad enough on 100, not to mention 150.

I actually answered the phone today, so I did have some questions. Specifically, the answers were, no, the Dr. is not concerned about how Clomid works for me sometimes and not others, and specifically, works on one dosage ONCE, and then never again. Yes, it is normal (in terms of infertility). No, he does not see the need at this point to do a trigger shot, and instead wants me to stair-step. No, it’s not all over once 150 stops working (and we all know it will) – they will go to 200, and then 250. 250 is the max.

I am to come in for bloodwork in about a week and a half (what will be CD 15) to check on my status. So, as I feared, my first IUI is going to have to wait another 15-20 days.

Can I wait? Of course I can. But I’m irritated beyond belief because this is the second cycle in a row that I’ve had to stair-step, making it the second cycle in a row that the length of my cycle has been over 40 days. Can’t they see this is turning into a pattern? I will ovulate, I’m sure, on 150 with this stair-stepping, but then next cycle, when it’s150 by itself, I won’t. One dosage of Clomid, no matter what amount, is clearly not working in any given cycle. I need more.

The other reason I am irritated is because I have been peeing on a stick for 14 straight days, sometimes twice a day. I had ovulation pains, EWCM, my temps dropped real low. We got in a few BDs, then I got this lovely infection, probably caused by all of this. I planned. Again. Putting both my husband and I through this every cycle is just….so frustrating.

So yes, I’m annoyed. I am just mad that my body isn’t even allowing me the chance to conceive, and that the doctors aren’t too concerned. I’m worried that I will get to 250 (if I can survive the hot flashes), that will fail and then – IVF. I know so many of you go through IVF, but it’s nerve-wracking.

I’m not going to get my hopes up this time. I am sure I will ovulate. We’ll have the IUI and I will hope the best, but I’m going to try not to think about it. I’m done playing mind games with my body – begging and pleading and hoping is not working. Emotionally, I can’t continue like this, so instead, my tactic for this cycle is to attempt to completely forget about it. Wish me luck.

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “Stair-stepping, Round 2.

  1. thefamilyvan says:

    I’m sorry to hear you didn’t get the result you wanted.

    It’s so frustrating to face another hurdle, but try to find solace in the fact that each hurdle is an puzzle piece. You’re always moving forward.

    Hugs.

  2. Ess says:

    Wishing you tons of luck with the stair stepping! I’m so bummed that clomid is acting up on you and I hear ya on the IVF nerves. I hope your infection clears up soon too. Not pleasant.

    I’ve actually been doing a pretty decent job at chilling out this month – I’ve been trying to make lots of plans with friends and generally keeping myself busy. That way IF is a secondary thought as opposed to a primary one. However, as we’re about to commence the BD marathon I’ll see how well I do with keeping it on the back burner. Hope you’re able to get a bit of a mental break from all of this. So hard.

  3. Infertile First Mom says:

    Wow. I’d never heard of the stair stepping thing. That sounds awful. So sorry this cycle went in that direction… it’s so disappointing and unfair! I do agree, though, that your plan to try to stay distracted as much as possible is a good one. Wishing you the best of luck as you attempt to give yourself a mental break!

  4. Bear says:

    I reacted very similar. I’d ovulate on a dose once, then the next cycle nothing. So they’d up my Clomid dose. I finally TOLD my Dr. that I was tired of Clomid and it’s many side effects and was ready to move on. Femara with injectables seemed to do trick, plus I didn’t have any of the nasty side effects I had with Clomid. It’s more expensive, but worth it.

  5. danielletoendure says:

    I’m SO sorry. That is SO frustrating! Why do they all of a sudden think its a cyst and why won’t he trigger? I had a long frustrating cycle on clomid and never got my LH surge. We ended up skipping IUI that month…probably because I became so frustrated with the ordeal that I gave up testing. The next month, our doctor chose to trigger. It was SOOO much better! Go in, get that ultrasound, check out the follicle size and then trigger if they are good to go. It was so easy and no associated anxiety with waiting and wondering…(of course, the waiting continues in other parts of the cycle).

    Good luck!!! I hope this stair-stepping works!!!

  6. Emily @ablanket2keep says:

    It is very frusterating when your body doesn’t cooperate! Hoping this cycle surprises you.
    I hope your infection clears up soon. Have a good time at the wedding Saturday! I’m going to a wedding Friday.

  7. Cotton Bottom Mama says:

    I’m sorry you’re going through this, and I hope you’re able to relax and have fun on your vacation. Have you tried the cheapo ov strips and pg tests you can get on amazon? I saved tons of money with those pg tests. I never really used the ovs because CM was much more of an indicator for me, but you might try them. Hope things turn around soon.

  8. Sunny says:

    Argh. I’m so sorry that Clomid is being such a little beeotch for you! This is so frustrating. If Clomid doesn’t work, is there an intermediary step between Clomid and IVF? I know quite a few women who have had lots of success using stronger injectables. They are more $$ than Clomid, but less expensive than IVF. Good luck with all of this. I know how hard it is to feel like you’re in a holding pattern.

  9. alleycatm says:

    I am really so sorry (hugs). I also did not do so well on clomid but there are other drugs you can try before you just move on to IVF, ask your doctor about the femara (I had almost no side effects), menupor, Gonal F.

    Good luck

  10. Curly Sue says:

    I don’t understand why your doc won’t consider a trigger – whould he change his mind if clomid stops working on its own? Also I’m really surprised they’ll take you all the way up to 250mg, reasearch shows its effectiveness drops off after 150mg. There are *so* many more options for you (this coming from someone who’s had a very spotty history with clomid too!): clomid + trigger, femara, femara + trigger. Or you can take more days of clomid or femara, instead of the traditional 5 – you could take it for 7 days (that’s what my sister needs, plus a trigger shot). I just want you to know there are a lot of drug protocols you can try with TIC or IUI before jumping to IVF, its not as close as you fear.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s