Back-to-back posts today. I thought about putting everything in one giant post, but I wanted to leave the “definition of trying” post alone.
In last month’s issue of Redbook (one of my favorite magazines), they had a very interesting article regarding happiness. To get straight to the point, happiness ebbs and flows. I suppose that’s common sense, but people must forget that simple fact, because there was a need for that article. I sure needed reminding.
The best part of the article was the examples. A graph was used to show the happiness levels of three women throughout their lifetime. I found that when I looked back on my own life, I saw the same chart, and it did make me feel a little better. Try it yourself – start with your childhood. If you don’t want to make an actual graph, rank times in your life on a happiness scale from 1-10.
In general, my happiness level had always been a 10, until my parents got divorced, and for a while, I’d say it got down to a 5. Then I got married, and back up it went. Even my relationship with N could be analyzed using this same scale – there are months that go by where we’re at a 10 every day, and then sometimes, it dips down. It’s done that many times since our teenage dating days. But I know it goes back up, and it does. Sometimes there are reasons for this dip in marital bliss, and sometimes there’s not. It always goes back up.
The first two years of marriage, my life’s happiness scale stayed high, between 8-10. I love my job, I’ve loved 3 out of 5 classes I’ve had (sorry, those other two just..didn’t make the cut!), and the rewards teaching brings me has helped keep that happiness level up. In the last year, my happiness level has gone from a 9, and slid all the way down, farther and farther, until I’d say it’s solidly been at a 3 or so. There are good days and bad days of course, and your own happiness chart can be as specific or general as you’d like. I’m content-ish, right now. I’m living. But my happiness level won’t really change, until..well, you know. Something good happens.
If your happiness level is currently peaking above an 8, well then the thought of someone else’s being as low as a 3 is a bit pathetic. But I don’t over-analyze this – the article is right. Happiness ebbs and flows. Like I said, it’s common sense that your life isn’t always going to be amazing, and similarly, won’t always suck. But I think it’s a nice reminder. Bad things will eventually lead to good things, just because that’s the way life works. Sometimes, it just takes a while. I’m not a “fate” person. But the odds work in your favor, eventually. They have to.
And until they work in my favor, at least regarding pregnancy (because, I know, things could always be worse), I’ve attempted to focus on other things. It is the third week of summer, and it has taken until this week for me to really accept that summer is here, and it’s mine for the taking. I don’t like excess free time, I don’t like doing nothing, and I especially don’t like being alone. I’m trying to keep from two days in a row of being in this empty house. I can do one day, but not two. The first two weeks I walked around in a daze – no papers to correct? No kickball to play? But now I’m trying to enjoy the weather, the reading, the…run-errands-when-I-feel-like-it, staying up later, random kickboxing and Pilates classes in the middle of the day.
I’ve also enjoyed this:
I love fresh fruits and veggies. I love picking them myself. I especially love fresh-picked blueberries. We’re in the peak of the season right now, and as you can see, these berries are huge. I picked $13 worth. Excessive, yes. But these aren’t any old blueberries you get in a store – they’re the best. Yum.
Also, I joined a women’s softball team. N has been on a men’s team for a few months, and watching him, combined with my new recess sport of kickball motivated me to join my own team. They had already played a few games before I joined, and my first game was Monday night. I am SO BAD. It’s embarrassing. I had to buy a new glove, of course, and N and I have been playing some catch. But in a game situation – not knowing anyone and yeah, it’s been 10 years since my last softball game, I was awful. Hitting wasn’t any better. Just – bad. I am going to continue, because it is fun. I’m kind of quiet around people I don’t know, but don’t get me wrong, I like to be around people. I like the “team” atmosphere. But man, am I bad. I think I’ll be hitting up the batting cages this weekend.
I’m also reading. I’m about to embark on a Nicholas Sparks marathon. I’ve read him before, and it’s okay. I’m not a die-hard love-story type, but yet, maybe it’ll keep my spirits up this summer.
And as I like keeping busy, these next few weeks will be the quietest of the summer. After that, I’ve got a couple mini-vacations planned. N has his big Ironman race in Lake Placid next weekend. I’ll be back at school, working on my room in mid-August. And of course, my daily shots in the stomach.
I don’t even know what cycle day I’m on anymore, I’m too lazy to figure it out, and really, who cares, but it’s in the upper 60’s. Either way, my ovaries are reacting very slowly to the follistim, and today will be my 8th shot, without an ultrasound yet. None needed – nothing much is happening. I just bumped up my dosage to 66 IU last night, and I’ll have more bloodwork done on Friday. This is taking a while, but it’s okay if it works. N’s race is coming up, though, and I’m worried about the timing. Worst comes to worst, he will go in before the race and we will freeze his sperm. It’s not covered by insurance, but I’m not missing this. So we’ll see.
Even in one post, things are up, things are down. You probably knew this already, but it was important for me to see in print: happiness ebbs and flows.