So frustrated!

It’s days like today where I’d like to scream in frustration. Or possibly punch someone in the face, because that seems gratifying. What I actually did was eat some chips and have (gasp!) a soda…with caffeine!

We were supposed to go on vacation this weekend. I know it seems like I’ve been on a lot of vacations this summer but I really have not. We visited my grandparents in Maine for 3 days in July, and I did get to the cape for a few days last week, but that wasn’t with my husband. He and I were supposed to go to his lake house for 3 nights – originally Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. As this weekend drew nearer, I had a feeling it wouldn’t continue to be a 3 night, 4 day vacation, because I knew I’d have to get into the doctor’s at some point. So all week long we’ve been playing it by ear, to see which day we would go, and for how many nights.

I went in for my baseline on Monday, went for bloodwork only on Thursday, and was told to come in today for an ultrasound and bloodwork (today is CD 7). So that’s when N and I realized that our 3 night vacation would definitely go down to 2 nights, or maybe even only 1 night, depending on when they next want to see me.

So I’m getting probed, per usual, you know, again with a weekend nurse. She actually walked in me in the middle of undressing…good times. Anyway, she’s digging around for buried treasure in there, and it’s only CD 7, so I’m not expecting a lot. And rightly so. There are no follicles greater than 10mm, and frankly, I don’t believe any are even bigger than like 6 or 7 mm. She didn’t even tell me how many there were, because it’s too early. But I do have two giant 20+mm cysts on my left ovary.

Then I meet with the doctor, and I tell him we were planning on going away for a few days. Did he think I’d end up having to go back on Monday or Tuesday? Since the follies are so small, I mean. He said he wasn’t sure if it would be Monday or Tuesday, but he took down a note that said Tuesday would work better for me, and as long as my estrogen levels were low enough, that should be fine. I figured we’d be golden…how could my E2 levels be high with no follies growing?

So I went home, finished packing for the trip, N packed the cooler .We still didn’t know if I’d be going in Monday or Tuesday – meaning, a 2 night vacation, or just one night? We brought the dogs to their doggy camp, paid $70, worked out arrangements with my mother to get them tomorrow and keep them tomorrow night, if we find out I don’t have to go in until Tuesday. We packed for 2 nights, knowing it could just be for one night only, but assumed the call wouldn’t come in until we were already on the road.

Thank goodness we were running late. After dropping off the dogs we swung into a Subway, and that’s when I got the call from some other weekend nurse. They need me TOMORROW. For bloodwork only. Because my E2 is high, 213, and my dosage needs to be dropped tonight.

My 2, down to 1 night vacation has officially turned into a zero night vacation – no vacation! And we were sitting in the car, about to hit the highway, with two nights worth of meals in the cooler, bags packed, dogs gone, you know, the whole bit. Could not believe it. So on the phone I was a little in denial at first..telling her that the doctor had predicted Monday or Tuesday, and she put me on hold and talked to another doctor, who told her that I could come in Monday for bloodwork, instead of tomorrow, but to be prepared that things could progress too fast, and they might have to cancel the cycle. Obviously we’re not going to risk that. And I couldn’t even look for a place in NH that does bloodwork, because who is going to be open on a Sunday morning, at a doctor’s office that isn’t mine? So we turned around and went home. I’m not going to pick the dogs up, because they are already paid for. So they have to spend the night in a place that’s not their favorite while we are home, 20 minutes away, and I feel bad.

Then I ask the nurse on the phone what the plan is from there, and because my levels are high, and they appear to be a bit concerned about this, I will also more than likely have to go in Monday morning for bloodwork and ultrasound again. That’s 3 days in a row, people. My arm is bruising up and looking like I’ve gone on a drug binge.

In the end, we’ll go on a date tonight somewhere not far away, and just pretend we didn’t just waste $70 for doggy care we don’t need. Tomorrow, I’ll get my blood done very early, and dammit, I’m going to that lake house, but it’s only for the day. You know, because I have to go back again the next morning. So much for vacation!

I will get over it, and in the scheme of life it’s not a big deal. It’s just frustrating that we were minutes from the highway with a packed car, and had to turn around. And the wasted money. And the lack of puppies in our house right now.

But really, there’s another underlying issue maybe you guys can help me with. I’m a little concerned – I have no developing follies, but my estrogen is at 213, apparently high enough for the doctors to make me lower my dosage tonight, and go in 3 days in a row to be monitored. Should I be worried here, that something bad is happening? Could the cysts be doing this? What does it mean when E2 goes up but follies don’t grow? I’m trying not to worry, but this doesn’t seem normal. Someone will get hurt if I have to cancel this cycle.

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2 thoughts on “So frustrated!

  1. TheStorkWhisperer says:

    So sorry about your botched vacation. Just another effect of IF running your life. I hope you make it to the lake house.

    I think cysts can make your body and system go a bit haywire. I noticed that when I had one on one of my ovaries, no follicles grew there for that month. I even had breakthrough bleeding. I did manage to get a follicle on the other side, but I still wonder if the cyst caused me to not have a follicle on the other one.

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