The Real Pregnancy 101

Well, I can’t hold out any longer. I’ve been dying to post, but I’ve held back for a few reasons, the strongest being that I felt like I should. Now, though, I want to talk about it, because I have questions, I have comments, and you online friends have always been a source of support.

It appears that I’m officially pregnant.

As you can see, I’m still having trouble…with those words. In fact, the entire first 24 hours after finding out “officially” after my first beta, I couldn’t even say the words, “I’m pregnant”. Instead, I smiled and gave a thumbs-up to my husband, and told my father on the phone, “I’ve officially been impregnated.” Who says that?? But even still, it’s hard for me to accept. Even when I got my BFP on a home pregnancy test last Thursday morning and every day after that, I didn’t actually believe it, and had to keep that little secret in totally. Then, when the call came in regarding my beta, I was alone in my house, cleaning the walls of dust (just had our floors redone and we were “moving back in”), I said thank you to the nice nurse, with little to no emotion in my voice, hung up the phone, and kept cleaning the walls. No crying, no screaming, no jumping for joy. I think it was denial. Luckily, my husband and family reacted appropriately, making up for my lack of a reaction. It’s not that I wasn’t excited or happy, but you just…get to this place with infertility, and I guess my emotions were all – dulled. And that moment was no different. It was hard to accept that I was deserving of this new thing – which sounds ridiculous. I think I was in a place where I was realizing I was going to have infertility issues for who knows how much longer.

preggo test

 

Beta #1 – 166

Beta #2 – 338

So, it’s doubled, and now I have to wait until Monday for the next test, with my first ultrasound not coming until after the new year, when I’m 7.5 weeks in.

But a disclaimer, before I continue. I’d say 90% of the bloggers I follow, you all either have kids now or are pregnant. And every time one of you became pregnant, you so kindly said something in your post about how hard you know it is for those of us who weren’t pregnant and how we didn’t need to keep reading your blog if we didn’t want to. And I appreciated those comments, though every time I understood. So I’m adding the same comment – I do understand the dreaded feeling of “ugh, there’s another one”. I get it. Like I said, I think I was one of the last of my little circle of bloggers so most of you have been there before me. But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt. And judging by the fact that I still am not running around, being that newly-pregnant hyper obnoxious person, I’d say I really do get it. I’m not sure what I’ll do with the blog regarding being pregnant, but as always, please don’t feel like you need to continue following my posts or anything like that. Just like everyone else, I do totally understand, because it’s not fair. And if you are my friend “in real life”, I’d be forever grateful if you’d keep it to yourself for a while and not share, until this really settles in and I feel more comfortable with it.

So everything at this point looks good. But I’m super nervous, unsure of the whole thing, and I have no idea what I’m doing. As I’ve said to a few people, I feel like – I got inducted into this secret club. Which is great, and I’m totally happy about it, but it’s just that I didn’t really think I’d get in, and I didn’t prepare myself, and now I’m the newbie trying to figure this all out and write my entry speech.

There’s this other thing on my brain too. As the days go by and I slowly allow myself to feel some happiness and excitement, I am realizing that in the last year and a half, I totally changed! Like I said, my emotions were dulled I think and I guess I’ve been walking around in a haze. And now that true happiness is starting to find its way to me again, I’m attempting to recall what I used to be like, and what I used to feel like. I didn’t realize until now how different I’ve become, and I do miss the old me. I think over the coming months I’ll start to go back to my old self, as long as everything progresses like it should.

Okay, now, one of the reasons I did want to tell my blog readers soon is because I already have questions. Nothing major, of course. But like, okay:

–         PIO shots have all of a sudden started to suck. They don’t hurt, but they are now causing those lumps under my skin, which now is turning into itchy hives. Just a giant hive on each side. Which, with my chronic autoimmune hive issue, I guess I’m not surprised, but still. Anyone else?

–         Dry freaking skin! No acne here – but everything itches. My legs, my back, my stomach (stupid glue leftovers from estrogen patches) and of course my butt where the shots were. God, I’m itchy.

–         My gums – are slightly swollen and sensitive. Went to the dentist today = not pleasant.

–         Rapid blood sugar decline. Nothing I can’t handle, but like all of a sudden, holy God, I’m hungry/going to die if I don’t eat something RIGHT NOW. And a little snack later, I’m good. Or the other night, we had a late night dinner (and by late, I mean 6:30) at my husband’s parents’, and before the meal I felt shaky, cold, crappy, horrible. I ate, face got flushed, and felt like a million bucks.

But mark my words – these are not complaints. Not even CLOSE. I’ll take absolutely anything that comes my way, as long as my little zygote is safe. But I am worried – I do have autoimmune issues of course, the hives and whatnot, and Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. In the past few days I’ve contacted all of my doctors. I need to be checked, now, immediately, by my thyroid doctor, allergist, etc. just to make sure all my ducks are in a row.

But are all of those things I mentioned common? Has anyone experienced any of them?

As the time progresses, I just know I’m going to want to check all the things going on with me, with you guys. Because you know better than I do.

Until next time, I am now excited and happy. So much so that it hurts, a lot, when I think about what could happen between now and 40 weeks, which I’m trying not to do. I forgot how badly I wanted this, and now that it’s here, I am begging for it to stay.

 

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30 thoughts on “The Real Pregnancy 101

  1. thefamilyvan says:

    OH MY GOODNESS!!!

    So, so great! I squealed in my kitchen as I read your post. Such amazing news!

    Super thrilled for you, and I can’t wait to hear about how things progress!

    HOORAY!!

  2. Jenn says:

    My fingers were crossed so tightly for you!!! Congrats, lady!! And take all the time you need to let it sink in–it won’t make it any less real 🙂 xoxo

  3. Bear says:

    Congratulations!

    Sensitive gums are totally normal. Sometimes I take my toothbrush out of my mouth and it is red from all the bleeding my gums are doing. It’s annoying, but not the worst symptom to have. 🙂

  4. danielletoendure says:

    So, sooooo happy for you! There is no greater feeling after time spent struggling through IF! Can’t wait to hear about your ultrasound results in a few weeks. Give yourself some time to let things sink in. Think it took me until about 10 weeks to get over a lot of my anxiety and believe in the little one growing inside of me. Sending hugs and prayers for a healthy pregnancy!

  5. krista says:

    I know I can’t possible be happier than you and Nate, but I’m so freakin happy for you! I think its totally normal to feel strange about admitting you’re pregnant, to yourself and to others. I felt the same way with Peyton. I think part of me still felt like a kid (even tho I was closer to 30) and doing something I was way to young for. And add to it all that you’ve been through, I think its normal. I can’t wait to read about all of your pregnancy “complaints”. Mums the word for now tho. Love you guys!

  6. Belle says:

    YIPPPPPEEEEEE! I’m so happy to read this! Huge congrats! Re: itchy ass post PIO – got it. A lot. It’s bad. I have not gotten hives, though. What type of oil is your progesterone in? You might want to call you RE and check on this since it could be a mild allergic reaction. Also, I’m itchy all over thanks to dry skin, too. I broke down and bought some pregnancy lotion and it is helping quite a bit.

    Oh, and I’ll be 12 weeks on Friday and I still choke every time I say “I’m pregnant.” It takes us some time, I’ve heard.

  7. ozifrog says:

    It’s about time!!! Hooray!!!! Welcome to “the club”.

    Pregnancy after infertility IS weird, and you don’t realise til you’re there how ODD it feels. Just remember though, each day is exciting because you’re experiencing something you’ve NEVER had before. I used to say to myself “I’m more pregnant than I’ve ever been”.

    Yes to crazy hungry. You’ll probably also get “pregnancy supernose” soon, and I found the stretching/cramping weird, odd and confusing in those early days. The bleeding gums in brushing for me was almost instant. The wait for that ultrasound (and woah, yours is a BIG wait) is worse than any two week wait. Having similar timing last year, Xmas and new years make it easier AND harder to bear.

    Infertility is like holding your breath for a really long time. And it takes a while to learn to E-x-h-a-l-e.

  8. kim says:

    Incredible news! No one deserves a bigger CONGRATULATIONS! I’m so happy for you!! and I know you will face each milestone and cherish every minute because it was such a struggle to get here. All my best wishes for your health and happiness!

  9. Brave IVF Girl says:

    Yay! So happy for you!

    Crazy hunger is totally normal. At one point I had to eat every 2 hours or I would be RAVENOUS. And keep a granola bar or something by the side of your bed – sometimes I’d get hungry as I was trying to go to sleep and try to figure out if I could fall asleep fast enough to avoid needing to go have a snack.

    Congrats!

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