Re-learning me

Just checking back in, more as a way to collect my thoughts, I suppose. Two days shy of 11 weeks and I can’t emphasize enough how It is torture. And I have little timelines set in my head – if I can just get to 12 weeks, or my next ultrasound at 12.5, or 16, or 20 and find out what I’m carrying, but then after that, there will be another lull… Waiting, waiting.

And I guess I’ve heard people say that time passes more quickly after the first trimester, maybe because the pregnancy is fully internalized and then you are able to get “back to your old life”. While pregnant. But see, I don’t think I can do that. Because nothing from “my old life” is as big, as life-changing as this is. I can’t possibly imagine myself walking around all matter-of-fact – “oh, yeah, I’m pregnant. I almost forgot. Now let’s get back to teaching math.” Not to this lady. At least right now, being pregnant is in the back (slash front) of my mind 24/7. I’d say 90% is excitement, 5% is pointless worrying, and 5% is – “good lord, what have we done?” Maybe that falls under the “worrying” category as well.

I’ve done a decent job of keeping the mighty secret at work for what, again, seems like forever. Everyone knew about IVF, and then when I found out at 4 weeks, I shut right up. Of course I told my two closest friends at school, along with the school nurse at 8 weeks, and recently one more colleague, because I needed her help watching my class while I waited for the Zofran to dissolve. So that’s 4 people, and I’m good with that. Why do I need to say anything else? My bloating is like nothing else I’ve seen before, so after lunch, I sure as hell look pregnant. But whatever! I’m okay with speculation. I’m just not going to stand up and make an announcement. It is not my style. I keep assuming I will want to tell more people after 12 weeks, but who even knows. I think it’ll happen when I show, and have to tell my class, too. Until then, I’m keeping quiet.

Interestingly enough, what looks like a massive weight gain with the bloat is actually a weight gain of about two pounds. When the nausea first hit I lost 6-7 pounds, and 5 weeks later, I’ve gained two back. Looks like a lot more.

I’m having discomfort in bed. Help! I’m not even like, showing. But sleeping on my back gives me stomach pains, and on my side, my gut feels like it’s reaching and pulling so hard to reach the mattress, and it has a long way to go. So the pulling just sucks! Last night I had some killer discomfort at 2am, thanks to having a salad for dinner. Nothing was comfortable, but I’ll tell you what, that bite of the KIND bar got me back to sleep.

I tried to wean myself to a smaller amount of Zofran pills during a single day, and now the past few days the nausea has been pretty bad. I thought it was getting better, but perhaps not.

Food-wise, it’s still a crapshoot. The two items I can’t really go wrong with are, of all things, tomato-related products (especially tomato sauce and tomato soup) and melted cheese. And let it be known that before being pregnant, I didn’t particularly care for tomatoes or cheese. My massive sugar addiction that I spent a few years trying to control to get rid of my hives is nowhere to be found. I mostly want nothing to do with anything with lots of sugar, like a dessert. No candy for me. And above all, I just want “real food”. Not because I’m hungry. But anything served from a restaurant sounds pretty good. Snacks – not so much.

There’s so much to figure out, and it’s a weird thing re-learning the body you’ve come to understand for the past 28 years. I just want to get to that point where I breathe that sigh of relief, but I’m not sure that moment will ever be here.


8 thoughts on “Re-learning me

  1. thefamilyvan says:

    Oh my goodness, I totally know what you mean about reaching the next target. I’ve been exactly the same. I just need to get through the 8-week ultrasound…I can relax a bit after the 10-week ultrasound…2 more weeks before I’m at 12 weeks, and I can really start to relax…16 weeks will really get me out if the woods…

    It’s never-ending. I’m still so hesitant to get excited about all of this (more honestly, it’s admitting to others that I’m SO SO SO EXCITED!!!!), that I’m worried I’m going to miss a big chunk of what I hope to be a healthy pregnancy.

    Ugh. If you come up with a solution to this week-by-week existence, let me know.

    Good luck, my dear!

    • futuresoccermom says:

      You hit the nail on the head. I am very excited… I just haven’t let others know that I’m very excited. Somehow showing that to my colleagues seems like a big deal. But it doesn’t mean I’m not excited in my own head.

  2. Krista says:

    If you’re having trouble getting comfortable to sleep, go buy one of the pregnancy pillows. You’ll probably need it at some point when you’re further along, so you may as well see if it helps now too.

  3. Not-So-Fertile Girl says:

    I felt like I was reading my own life here! I am just about 14 weeks now, and I will say that 10-11 weeks were really rough for me, sickness and the slow passing of time wise. I am trying to cut back on my Zofran too. I’ve made it through a couple of days now without it, but am finding that if I try to go more than 2 I can’t hack it. The nausea isn’t gone without it, but I’m not throwing up anymore, which is great. I will say that after 11 weeks, my problems with nausea, food aversions, and time passing have eased off a little bit – not completely, but some. That’s also when I started getting uncomfortable sleeping, too. I’m not ready to commit to a pregnancy pillow yet, but I have found that sleeping with a regular pillow between my knees and sort-of tucked under my belly has really helped with that. It has alleviated that “pulling down” feeling. Of course, this means I am pretty much restricted to sleeping on my side, but I think that’s a pregnancy given anyways. Hope the next few weeks speed up for you! 🙂

    • futuresoccermom says:

      Thank you!! I think about you all the time and hope you’re doing well! I sure hope this nausea turns around soon because as I sit here with it, it just gets old. I’m done with it. As for sleeping, I will try the pillow trick! Thanks!

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