Today is 22 weeks and every Saturday, I’m just glad to have made it another week. Bug and Goat, as they’ve been determined to be called, continue to cook away. I feel lots of movement with both of them, though I still relate it to gas bubbles. It seems like most people, when they first feel movement, are in awe of the feeling. To me, they feel familiar. I suppose that means prior to being pregnant I’ve had a lot of gas…
My husband has been able to feel it a couple of times, but usually when there’s all types of bubbling going on in there, as soon as his hand finds my stomach, it stops. Isn’t that just the way. In addition, for the first time a few days ago when I was by myself, I actually watched my stomach move without having to touch it. So that is cool.
I’ve been feeling large, which is fine with me. It probably has a lot to do with the heaviness of my stomach, as I’ve talked about before. When I recline or sit back, my stomach feels like a heavy set of bricks, threatening to crush me and limit my breathing. When I stand up, it feels like it’s going to fall off and I need to hold on to it. In those moments, the only position is sitting straight up. We got brand-new, comfy couches you can sink into – and those aren’t helping at the moment. So I sit propped up with a pillow.
But interestingly enough, those who see me every day view me as “small”. I think it’s a compliment, as apparently pregnant women don’t want to be called “big”. Someone who is not normally in my building found out I was pregnant the other day, and when I ran into her in the bathroom, she said, “I had no idea you were pregnant – you can’t tell at all!” She wasn’t being polite, she was genuinely shocked. Um, really?
What does that look like, then? I just ate a Big Mac? To her defense, I was wearing a black sweater – I guess that can be deceiving if you’re not looking at me from the side. But still.
See, carrying twins, I don’t want to be small. I want to be appropriately large, because I want appropriately large, healthy babies. I’d rather look like an elephant and have twins with healthy birth weights, rather than be small. I wasn’t thinking I was looking small, until a few people said I did.
This all leads me to weight gain. Prior to being pregnant, with a few years of thyroid problems, fertility drugs and an inability to motivate myself, I gained probably 10-15 pounds. Yuck. Still within the “normal” BMI, but not where I wanted to be to feel good. Then, when the nausea kicked in big-time at 5 and a half weeks, I lost 7 pounds. So, once the weight started to go back on, I considered that my starting point.
One of the things I see recommended a lot for those carrying multiples is to gain a lot of weight. That seems to be the number one most important thing you can do. 24 pounds by 24 weeks, or something like that. Well, I was doing okay. A week ago at 21 weeks, I had gained 15 pounds. Not quite there but on my way. Then over the weekend, I got the stomach bug. (Sidebar – I’ve now had one of the worst head colds in memory and a very unpleasant stomach bug. Do pregnant people get sick more often?) I lost 5 pounds. At this point, I was at a 10 pound weight gain overall, at 21 weeks. So far I’ve gained a few of those pounds back.
So overall, let’s say in 22 weeks, I’ve gained 13-14 pounds. I feel like I should be gaining more weight, and I know that the best way to do that is to eat! Aren’t pregnant women supposed to be all-day feeding machines? You know, an appetite of a 10-year old boy? Well, it’s really not that way.
In fact, the bigger I get, the less I can eat in one sitting, because nothing fits in there. If I shove too much in, I pay for it later with heartburn and discomfort. The late night snack that is recommended? Can’t do it – too close to bedtime, resulting in….heartburn. So I’m not eating that much, really. Not to mention, I need to make sure some of what I eat everyday is produce to…help with digestion. I’m certainly not going to gain weight from my daily apple, banana, pear, and cantaloupe. So it’s a bit of a struggle – I need lots of fruits and veggies, but they don’t help me gain weight. I’m always full after my main meals, and I don’t want a nighttime snack. This is a weird position to be in, for sure.
These thoughts are similar to what I was thinking about last week, with overdoing it at work. I look “small”, and I’ve recently put WAY too much on my plate job-wise, and I come home and again think, I’m doing too much. But it doesn’t look that way at the time, while at work, because I’m in the zone and doing my thing. I don’t know how to “take it down a notch” as an elementary school teacher. I feel like the only way I could is with a doctor’s order. Otherwise, in the moment, I’m doing my job.
Finally, recently I’ve been struggling with decisions that could only be put into the category of “pregnant women problems”. Are they really problems? Not really. But they’re there. We had made some decisions – names, colors, certain things for the registry. And in the past week, we’re questioning EVERYTHING. We’re back to the drawing board on names – we still like the ideas we had, but I think we’ve said them so many times that they’re losing their effect – making us wonder if they’re the right names at all. The same goes for nursery ideas, colors, etc. We do know we’re going with a nice yellow color for the walls, which is different from our original mint green. It’s a cornsilk yellow. The furniture will be cherry, so kind of dark, making the other main color dark brown. Earthy, which is fine. But yellow and brown? Do I need to be thinking about decorations, adding more colors, etc? Do I need a theme? Like, jungle animals or something? I’m not really a theme type of person, at least not for a child’s room.
It doesn’t matter what I’m talking about – I can’t make a decision on anything all of a sudden. It’s like when you go into a Yankee Candle store – after the 20th scent, your nose goes numb and that’s it, you’re done. It’s frustrating. I know we have time, but I want the decisions made because I can then do things with the decisions that make me happy. But in reflection, these “problems” are pretty good to have. Last fall, I couldn’t have imagined even getting to this point.
As a side note, here are some new pictures of Riley and Sadie. Before Bug and Goat arrive, these dogs (who wake up promptly at 6:00 am, no matter what time they go to bed) are my babies.