Warning- whiny post ahead.
Day 2 of bed rest – originally categorized as “modified” but after talking with a doctor yesterday, I’d say leans more toward “strict”. This is fine, because I was making it “strict” anyway. I’m not taking any chances. But that doesn’t mean I’m not miserable.
It’s not the boredom aspect, though. Actually, while that might be an irritant, it doesn’t make me miserable. I do have some shows I could start and I’m about to become an avid book reader. Plus, I have some school-related things that can be done from my couch. So at this point, that’s not the issue.
Bed rest provides both a physical and mental challenge, both of which are driving me crazy and I’ve only just started.
Mentally, most of my thoughts are depressing. There’s the feeling of, oh, that hard stomach? That tight feeling? That exhaustion? Those times when I felt like I needed to hold my stomach from the bottom because it felt like it was going to fall out – those were all signs I was overdoing it and I didn’t know. And when I posted about how I couldn’t slow down, or I thought I was slowing down, I was unable to see that slowing down means STOP running errands, carrying things, doing chores, etc. And I didn’t.
Then there’s the feeling of both guilt and appreciation for my husband, who at this very moment is vacuuming under my reclined seat. He is taking on everything I do in this house, which amounts to all the cleaning, laundry, dog feeding, etc. not to mention fetching everything I need, from chapstick to socks to vitamins. He’s running the house himself. Not that it shouldn’t be this way – it has to be this way and he isn’t complaining in the slightest. But it’s just a lot for him too and I feel bad.
The worst mental challenge, though, is the one about my babies. This must be a common thought for everyone on bed rest, especially this early. But the fears, the what-ifs, are really hard. I’m trying not to think about them and I’m not even going to write them down. But the fear is there and it’s hard to forget. I just feel like I have so far to go.
And then there are the physical challenges. Some are quite obvious. I am getting up once every hour to go to the bathroom. That’s it. All the meals are on this couch, which I can recline to any level I’d like. But after one full day, my back already hurts. My shoulders hurt. I might’ve pulled a rib muscle or something trying to get comfortable. It’s a lot of time on my back. And a freaking SPIDER just dropped through the cushion next to me and I don’t know where it went and I can’t really get up to find it!!!
But worse, I’m slightly obsessed now with the feelings in my stomach and uterus. Was that a contraction, a Braxton Hicks or just a baby rolling? Why am I crampy after eating meals? The doctor says if I have more than 4 contractions in an hour I need to call. Well, my stomach tightens up every time I do anything! So my once an hour bathroom trips – there’s one. And then if I sneeze, there’s two. I moved to the other couch for a minute so my husband could vacuum and had one then – do I count these? Because they are due to my movement. Plus, are they even contractions? So if I just lay here, reclined, nothing will happen. I guess that’s why it’s called bed rest.
Finding the positive – it is now very clear to me that it’s a good thing I’m not working. I can’t get up without some sort of tightening in my stomach, not to mention teaching or running a talent show. Also, I’m grateful I’m not on hospital bed rest. That could happen eventually and that would really suck. And I’m learning to appreciate the little things, like sitting on a different couch so I can have a different view, and a good shower. Well, I think I’ll appreciate that. I’m borrowing a shower chair and it will be arriving in about 45 minutes. And being clean always feels good.
Anyway, there may be many more posts now that I’m couch-ridden, for probably quite a long time. And like I said, it’s only Day 2.