The bed rest blues

Thank you for all your helpful comments – it is so nice knowing I’m not alone in this bed rest thing! So I really appreciate it.

Tomorrow I will have been on bed rest, or really, couch rest, for one week. Seriously, the longest week ever. It is not relaxing. It is not a time to enjoy my free time. It sucks!

Left inside my own head, I experience different mental stages as a day goes by. Most of my day, my mental state is – just there. Not happy or unhappy. But I’m now racking up a quick little breakdown daily. I have a little moment, it lasts 5 minutes, and then I’m past it.

At this point, people have been very kind in offering to come visit or help out. And if this continues on my couch, I will take those people up on it. But really, right now, other than family, I don’t really want to be seen. I look pitiful. Not like, my hair is a mess (which it is), but I just…I’m sitting in pajamas with dirty socks, no makeup, I only shower every other day (sitting down), I can’t get up to stop my dogs from jumping all over you, I can’t offer you a drink and I get contractions when I talk too much or too loud….I’m just not there yet. Those who have visited (family and in-laws) continue to ask me the question, “So are you bored yet?” with a chuckle. Hardy-har, bed rest is just so FUNNY. I don’t FULLY blame them, because they don’t know otherwise and I don’t feel like sharing, but….good lord. Bored? I’m not just….laying here. Bored isn’t a word that even fits with bed rest at this point. I’m on bed rest to prevent my twins from coming out ridiculously early. That’s enough to send anyone over the edge. Bored. How about obsessing over every tightening?

Maybe I just don’t want to talk about it when someone stops over. Don’t ask me what I’ve done today, the answer is nothing. I mean sure, I’m reading a book, I’ve started watching “girls”…I’m not just completely doing nothing. But whatever I’m doing, it’s trivial. Who cares? What I’m doing is begging my babies to stay in. I’m questioning if I should call the doctor on a regular basis. I’m making a list of what I would need in a hospital bag, should I have to stay there. I’m constantly feeling my stomach. Ugh. Clearly I’m going through the stages of grief, and people have good intentions. I’m not mad at them, I’m mad at this situation. But like I said, it’s better at this point that I’m left to my own devices. However, I know people just don’t know what to say (it’s like going through infertility all over again!) and I don’t want to push them away, either.

See, when you have twins, the treatment options you have are limited. I can’t get a cerclage (a stitch that holds your cervix closed), pretty sure progesterone is out….I’ve been told twice now, there’s nothing that can be done until I start having regular contractions and land in the hospital. So imagine my panic as I start to figure out these contractions, which I am having.

I think I was dehydrated yesterday, even though I literally drank a gallon of water. Today I’m really pushing the water and seeing what happens. I feel like Bran from “Game of Thrones” or Colin from “The Secret Garden” – or whatever his name was. I also have a yeast infection. I had a major change in discharge two days ago (sorry for the tmi), but that is one of the signs of preterm labor. I knew it was an infection, but then I started worrying about my mucus plug. Anyway, it was an infection and I knew it. I’m interested to see if any other preterm labor signs I’m having go away when the infection clears up. That would be nice.

And as I sit, reclined, all day long (and fight off the worst heartburn because of this position), we are having the nicest weather…ever. Bright sun, 72 degrees. I go out twice a day and sit for 5 minutes. The world goes on without me. Pretty soon my car will need to be driven.

I didn’t originally mean for this post to sound so angry. Apparently that’s where I’m at. I never, ever saw this coming at 23 weeks. I’m over missing work and for goodness’ sake, I’m not bored, I just don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s a longgg time before my shower at 29 weeks, before 32, 34, or even 28 weeks. Day by day, each week a celebration.

Tomorrow I celebrate making it one more week, to 24 weeks 3 days, enough to get the steroid shot so the twins’ lungs develop faster should they come out early. Last week I couldn’t even get that. And tomorrow I find out how this one week treated my cervix. I am praying that it’s the same or better… Enough to keep me out of the hospital. I’ll also get hooked up to the contraction machine. I’m nervous about it.

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12 thoughts on “The bed rest blues

  1. Kate says:

    This may sound off base, but despite everything, it sounds like you are handling this situation pretty well. Who wouldn’t be a bit of a wreck in your shoes? Keep coming here to vent, and process those feelings! It can only help you during a time when the only thing that can truly help is for time to pass. I’ll be thinking of you and hoping for all good news tomorrow!

  2. ozifrog says:

    Geez, this post brought back some memories. Do people ask chemotherapy patients are they bored? Umm no, they are just doing their darnedest to hang onto life. Ditto you. Sitting, hanging onto life. I remember telling someone it was like lying on a train track, and fifty times a day someone would pull you out of the path of the oncoming train, while you continued to lie next to the tracks. Hell yeah, sooo boring, nearly being run over. People can be so STUPID!!!

    I had a string of visitors with miscarriage stories. Everyone came to me with their friends of friends bedrest horror stories. I agree with you, keep them away for a while.

    Trust me as those little steps come closer , each one makes you feel a tiny bit better. Just keep your eyes on the next small goal. Inch by inch, you’ll get there. If you just stay focused on the next small goal, it is doable. If I can do it, anybody can. I’m glad you’re sticking to the bedrest. Good luck with the scan. Do something small and pleasant after doctors visits like a coffee out. It helps.

    • futuresoccermom says:

      Thank you so much. Your comments have been especially helpful since I went on bed rest and make me laugh, so thank you. I know you’ve been there and you make so many good points. I keep re-reading them!

  3. waitingonaangel says:

    I hope your appointment goes well! I know after finding out that bed rest was indeed helping it was so much easier to handle! I don’t over think every twinge, cramp ect like I was. Not to say that bedrest is fun, or that I don’t wish I got to experience a “normal” pregnancy, but its a little easier with positive feedback that what you are doing is making a difference. My doctor told me that it may have been a bit aggressive to put me on bedrest but the goal was to keep me out of the hosptial-and hopefully it will work the same for you!
    Hang in there! Every week you make it is one more week that your babies are stronger and one more week that they won’t have to be in the NICU. You’re doing a great job!!!

    • futuresoccermom says:

      Thank you so much! And you are right – a good appointment putting some immediate fears at ease would really help my stress level while I’m on bed rest. Hoping that happens tomorrow!

  4. robin says:

    I was on bed rest in the summer, my favoritest season, and I could LITERALLY hear parades going by our apartment and couldn’t see them. I am someone who needs to go outside every single day or I go stir crazy. SOOOOOOOooooo I went stir crazy. 😦

    You are doing a great job! You have made it a whole week! This is really hard and stressful! You are already an amazing mom! ❤

  5. Not-So-Fertile Girl says:

    Everything you’ve said sounds right on. I totally understand your anger. I felt really emotionally isolated while on bedrest. People don’t seem to understand that it doesn’t allow you to rest – it just gives you endless amounts of time to worry. As far as visitors go, I’d say hold them off as long as you feel like you need to. This isn’t about caring for anyone else’s feelings or even really helping them understand, as we sometimes feel the need to do during infertility. This is about caring for those babies and keeping them safe. Wishing you the very best with your check-up!

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