Thanks again, everyone! It was a crappy weekend at the hospital for sure – even though I wasn’t actually ill I felt that way, both from the mag sulfate and just the way hospitals are. I should say, I’ve never stayed at a hospital before. Never broke bones, never had a serious illness – so this was the first time. Nurses and doctors were all wonderful and nice, but it’s weird to be woken up 6 times a night, no longer caring who is seeing all of your parts, or that your hair is dirty and looks gross. Anyway, I’m not a fan. But the mag sulfate worked, and so that’s why I was there.
Today I had a follow-up appointment. The babies are approximately 3lbs 4 oz and 3 lbs 3 oz. Perfectly healthy. Bug’s head is so low that to find the heartbeat the monitor goes on my crotch. He’s head down and the doctor said his head is the cork holding it all in. Goat is breech with her head under my ribs, which explains that pain I’ve been feeling. I passed the non-stress test and went home.
Things are happening, though, both in my uterus and in my brain. (TMI alert) – my mucous plug is coming out. I thought for sure I had an infection but all the cultures are negative. I’m losing the plug. It’s been happening since my last night in the hospital. From what I’ve read, labor isn’t necessarily imminent but in my mind, that was a step towards it. The doctor didn’t really have much to say. Yes, I was in preterm labor but they stopped it, yes I am losing my plug. I still have waters intact, no bleeding, and contractions are now at bay. It’s officially a waiting game. I don’t even have an appointment for 3 weeks because there’s nothing to do. It could be days or weeks.
I made a mental change in my thinking yesterday after I realized the plug was coming out and I freaked out. I spent the whole pregnancy telling myself I’d make it far, I’d make it full term, whatever. So when this scare happened I was taken aback. But I’ve turned my thinking around. 29 weekers, whose mother has no health problems, can be okay. It could be okay. If I can hold off, great, but it could happen tomorrow and I’ve accepted that. We are going to have little babies, I’m just not sure how little. I spent time panicking over the health of my children long term due to being preemies, and that’s an exhausting and emotional roller coaster of which there is no answer. So I’m trying to tuck that worry away too.
So now that I’ve accepted this new realization, that I could give birth at any time, I’ve put away some fears and brought up others instead.
– Bug is head down and read to come out and Goat is breech. The doctor thinks I could end up with both a vaginal and c-section. That scares me! Can’t it just be one way or the other? Don’t care which. Talk about a long recovery time.
– If my water breaks and no one is home, well there are people I could call, but I’m just saying – that’s pretty stressful! Did you see that news story about the woman who gave birth to her 30 week twins on the highway? I do not want that to be me.
And otherwise, I just feel unbelievably unprepared. Obviously it’s not crucial that the nursery is done (we still need to order carpeting), the decorating and furniture building is complete (not even on my radar), or that I didn’t have a shower (I’m moving past that one). Nothing about this pregnancy journey has gone normally. But I never toured the hospital, never got to take a breastfeeding course (or any course for that matter), never found a daycare (didn’t even look yet), never found a pediatrician (again, haven’t looked)…. You get the point.
Our house isn’t ready and we aren’t ready. Yes, I know if they were born tomorrow they’d be in the NICU for quite a while, allowing time to get things ready. But it just feels so odd to be doing all of this in the wrong order! You’re not supposed to give birth and then plan for it!
At this point I just have no idea what’s going to happen. I will continue the bed rest of course and just do what I’ve been doing, and hopefully days and weeks pass. If not, then… not.