Scattered.

I miss blogging. For those who have never blogged before, not sitting down at a computer to write once or twice a week seems like nothing – normal. But there’s this world of bloggers out there, millions of them, and I love to be part of that community. Unfortunately, I’m having a hard time figuring out where this blog needs to go to make me happy.

Part of the issue is my actual career. Being a full time teacher of 5th graders who stay in my room for 7 hours a day is hard. It is for any teacher. After coming off of a year and a half on pregnancy/maternity leave, this school year has been – challenging. Exhausting. For many reasons. It’s been hard to find my teaching mojo again and at this point in June, it’s not coming back. Yet my day is so busy, I don’t have a moment to breathe. So many times my friend and colleague has opened our joint door and found me with my eyes half shut, staring off into space. I’ve been a bit of a lost soul as a teacher and I’ve accepted it. I hope to feel refreshed in September. However, I still have very little down time.

With the hecticness of B’s new EI schedule, I’ve found even less time to ponder activities and sewing projects. When I scroll through Pinterest, I’m now looking for gross motor activities for toddlers, ways to encourage toddler speech, OT games that help the vestibular system (THIS, more than anything else, is what B is struggling in right now). (More info on the vestibular system here and how the vestibular system affects behavior)

Because of these things, I haven’t been taking much time to try out new sensory bins or Sunday bath activities. I haven’t been sewing stuffed animals or ironing felt. I loved to do those things, take pictures, and blog. I loved to ship the posts out to various outlets in the blogging community, in hopes of driving traffic to this site and sort of finding my place among other mom bloggers. I did it for about a month and really, I did love it. But to do it right, to make a blog into a thing, you have to commit so many hours to it a week. More hours than I have. I found myself up until midnight every night, putting in two to three hours at the computer and ignoring my husband. That wasn’t going to work, so I stopped. But I did really like it.

I’m having some trouble deciding on the direction and the focus of this space. We’ll see what the summer holds – if I find myself with a bit more time, I may get back to my toddler crafts and activities focus.

As it is, I’ve got a list going of great ideas I can’t wait to try, including a giant sensory bag the twins can flop all over, some new sensory bins, some letter sound activities and plenty of outdoor play.

And I’ve got pictures sitting in my blog folder waiting to be turned into posts, including the felt stories I made and our two wooden learning towers, made by my husband and painted by me. My husband is beginning to make a swinging frame for the twins, and we’re squeezing a toddler trampoline into our tiny house.

As the twins turn two next month, I’ll be swapping out almost our entire playroom of toys for new ones, as the prior toys are outdated for their skills and aren’t being used. I can’t wait to add a felt board, a ball pit, and sets that require imagination and pretend play.

I’m party planning, with ideas for rainbow-colored sensory/messy play themes. I’m just all over the place. I’m tired.

And meanwhile, the twins are growing and changing, the terrible twos looming in the not-so-distant future (though I hear three is worse!). C insists on doing every single thing by herself, even if it takes two hours. B wants me to run down the hall with him every second of the day, chasing him until he’s beside himself. They both, suddenly, know their letter sounds and it’s just precious. Yet, they still speak in one word sentences. Their afternoon nap is sadly starting to push towards 2:00, and I don’t let them sleep longer than 3:30 if I want them in bed by 8:00, which I do. Even then C takes a while to fall asleep. It’s a long day! Food is still a challenge – dairy, veggies and grains are on constant rotation but they struggle with textures and protein.

I don’t know – there’s so much I feel confident about as a teacher parent, and I feel very good about the choices my husband and I have made and the way we talk to and teach our twins. But there’s so many areas in my life in which I have no idea what I’m doing, or even if I know, I’m not doing it. I function best when I’m organized, both physically and mentally and right now I’m not. I’m just very scattered.

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2 thoughts on “Scattered.

  1. Tales of a Twin Mombie says:

    Girl. I feel you you on this completely. It’s hard going back to work after a maternity leave. Last year I pretty much put myself on survival mode at that point, having had to go back in March only for a few months. I think with everything you’re dealing with its a beautiful thing to take a break and just use the blog as you need it. Maybe as a place to vent when you need it, maybe to share some ideas, maybe to get advice, maybe just to update. My blog is more just a me blog than a mommy blog at this point lol depends on the day haha! But it’s challenging when you are dealing with new territory. I just want to encourage you and let you know you’re doing amazing job and also just to take free moments to breathe. You rock! We are almost to summer! Xoxo

  2. randomsqueaks says:

    Everyone goes through phases like that, teacher or not. Although the I have a soft spot for teachers because I worked in schools for so long. I haven’t taught a full year but yeah, I get the exhaustion.
    What is your school’s start and end dates? Schools around here ended before Memorial Day and start back mid-August. It seems weird to me that your school is still in session. I hope you can survive the rest of the school year and get refreshed and recharged this summer!

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