The IVF miracle(s)

First, thanks to everyone for your thoughtful comments and suggestions over the last few posts. It became apparent that this new, sickly version of myself was normal, and I’ve wondered how you all have managed it. You guys must be superheroes!

Well, my “real” ultrasound isn’t until next week, but my doctor did want to do one before he left for vacation. It was early, a day shy of 6 weeks, but I knew we would find out something very important. And we did. There were 2 black blobs, 2 little circles, 2 “fetal poles”. Lord, at least right now I can honestly say – I’m having twins!!!

No wonder I feel like crap.

I was afraid to share this here at first because it is so early. What if we go to our ultrasound next week (I’ll be 7 and a half weeks) and one black blob is empty? It happens and I am trying to prepare myself for it. But I guess I’m just thinking, for the time being, there are two little mini-babies in there. My doctor, who tries not to get you pregnant with multiples, might be kicking himself. He was the one who recommended two to be put in, after all. I guarantee that if he thought they both were going to take, he never would’ve put them both in. But we wanted to anyway. We are a couple of happy individuals.

It has taken me a few days, as I am still working through the shock and denial of being pregnant at all, not to mention with twins, and I’m still not even close to imagining two babies in our house, but I can say that I’m finally excited. Really, really excited. Holy crap!!! When did this all happen? It’s just crazy-town. I can’t believe it.

I had always thought that to some extent, the degree of morning sickness you have is genetic. My mother barely had anything, so I was looking forward to feeling good most of the time. But the game all changes when there’s more than one being in there. So yeah, this around-the-clock nausea was no joke.

I jinxed myself, too. Not 10 minutes after my last post I went and threw up. And while my stomach felt better, I was a sweaty, weak mess. And that is no fun. Over the course of about five days, I lost about six pounds. I called the nurse and worried aloud what to do about the fact that I could not eat. Like, anything. Just couldn’t do it. And when I did force food, I actually felt worse. But I also didn’t want to land myself in the hospital. And the nurse said, “If you can’t eat, don’t. You’ll survive without food for a few days.” To keep myself out of the hospital, I needed to drink.

Fast forward to today. Zofran is a million-dollar miracle, worth every penny I spend on it, not covered by insurance. And by that I mean $55 for 10 pills, and I took 4 a day. But I went from being bed-ridden, sucking down ice chips and shaking uncontrollably, to finally being able to eat, though not much at a time. I will be able to go to work. I can deal with all day mild nausea. I just was able to drop my middle-of-the-night dose, because I feel great when I’m sleeping. So now it’s 3 pills a day. Hopefully, as time goes by, I’ll be off of it entirely. But until then, it has allowed me to function like a person again. A person who is pregnant with twins, at least for today.

Sick

This is going to sound like complaining, and I don’t want to give the wrong impression. But really, I guess I am complaining. There’s a big difference between complaining and wishing a pregnancy away. I’m not wishing anything away and I never would. Deep down I am truly thrilled to be pregnant but it’s very hard to concentrate on that now, with how I feel. I’m just simply saying:

I have never felt this sick in my life.

This is not occasional bouts of slight nausea that crackers can fix. This is round-the-clock, 24/7 extreme nausea that has knocked me off my feet and rendered me dysfunctional, and it hit all of a sudden last Wednesday night, at 5 and a half weeks.

And it is extremely frustrating. It’s a good thing it is the weekend and I’m on school vacation, because I never could go to work like this in a million years. Multiple times today I’ve just been rocking back and forth, nibbling on one Rice Krispie at a time. I can barely swallow them. I can’t sleep when I feel this bad. I’ve been 5 seconds from throwing up, but somehow I’ve held it off. I just know that throwing up once won’t do the trick. I’ll be on the bathroom floor all night. I can’t drive far, I can’t do any chores around the house. It’s like the worst stomach bug I’ve ever had (and I’ve had it plenty), but 24/7 for now the 4th day straight. And each day it’s worse, and I can’t imagine feeling any sicker and then I do.

I feel a little weird talking about this here, and I certainly don’t want to offend anyone. It is just the outlet I need when I want to talk about something, and right now, this is all I’ve got.

So, at 10:00 tonight, my husband called the nurse on call and she got me a prescription for Zofran. I am the last person to ask for drugs for anything, but I am absolutely desperate and will do anything to bring this nausea down a few levels. I have a feeling it will be getting worse. My amazing husband who has been at my beck and call all day and laid with me, pressing the “buttons” on my sea-bands (which don’t even touch this, by the way) is on his way to CVS now. I am very appreciative of his help but we both know this is going to get old real quick.

I know part of the problem at the moment is my empty stomach but I just can’t eat anything. Nothing wants to be in my mouth, including mints, crackers, and dry cereal. It’s bad. I do have other stomach problems and have all day, and I learned that my prenatal takes the nausea to a new level.

I don’t know anything about Zofran, except that it isn’t covered by insurance, but I am in need of a miracle. This just feels like the most unbearable thing, that I must say I’m too weak, both physically and mentally, to endure for 10 more weeks.

Blehhh

I just accidentally typed “morning suckness” in my tags, which is about right.

Up until last night, I have felt generally “yuck-tacular” with occasional bouts of starvation. Nothing major, and I was like, “Oh yeah, this is easy!” And then last night, just lying on the couch, I was suddenly two seconds from throwing up. It was the worst I had felt yet, and all night I tossed and turned. Woke up early this morning with other stomach issues (anything from nerves to actual sickness causes that one) and really couldn’t fall back asleep.

I dragged myself to school today, because there’s only a few days until vacation. But I am non-stop nauseous, at I’d say a moderate level. No food sounds appealing whatsoever, but I push food because I know I’m supposed to. I’ve tolerated oranges, some soup, dried cereal and a banana today. But I’m not even close to hungry or thirsty. I feel like I have a legit stomach bug on the way, and the only reason I know it’s not an illness is because I wouldn’t have been able to keep all that food down. I am noticing that evening and night are the worst. So far, mornings aren’t bad.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m complaining because I’m not trying to, but I am desperately looking for suggestions to make it through this time period. I know it won’t all go away, but I don’t even feel functional, and I’m only 5 and a half weeks! Here is what I have tried so far (and continue to use)

– sea bands (just bought these an hour ago and they’ve been on for 15 minutes. I don’t know if I have them in the right spot exactly and I can’t tell if they are helping, though it isn’t any worse.) How do you know they are in the right spot?

– hard peppermint candies

– going to sleep (that’s a big fail)

– eating only things that sound good, which right now is nothing.

– peppermint tea

And that’s all I’ve got! So, are there any other things you guys have tried and had success with? As we speak my stomach is growling. Underneath all the nausea I think I’m actually hungry.

By the way, my beta #3 on Monday, which was 23dpo, was 3,026. And my doctor pushed my ultrasound up two weeks, to this Friday. He wanted to check me out before he went on vacation. So that will be exciting, if I can manage not to throw up on the doctor’s table.