10 DPO, and I’ve gone mad!

It has been three days since my last post, and I feel like it’s been years. Apparently I got used to frequent postings! I wasn’t going to post today, either, but I figured doing a little recap wouldn’t hurt. The reason I haven’t posted is because…

…I’m crazy. Totally insane. I’ve lost my mind, my sanity, I am completely nuts. All thanks to the fun and exciting TWW.

I am 10 DPO. A little cramping (feels like AF cramping, but then, it always has) here and there, hungry constantly (hello, emotional eating), and temps above the cover line. That’s it.

Last cycle, I spotted on 9 and 10 DPO, and got AF on 11 DPO. Hence, you can imagine my excitement at not having any spotting yet. That said, if I did spot, it could be implantation spotting, but since I wouldn’t know for sure, for my sanity I’d just like to not have any spotting, please. The other thing in the back of my mind is that I took B6 pills this round and the non-ovulation round as well, to lengthen the luteal phase. I have heard success of doing this with this pill, so I gave it a whirl. My fear is that my LP has been lengthened, but I’m not pregnant, causing me to wonder for additional days than necessary about why I haven’t spotted yet.

It’s only 10 DPO. I am not testing, yet. However, some people do get positives on 10 DPO. But what if I don’t? I can’t put myself through that. It will have to wait.

Ha – can you see how this post is going? It’s a whole bunch of rambling. While annoying, thank you for allowing me to spill it out, because that is exactly what goes through my head all day, every day. I woke up at 5:00 this morning, took my temp, started Googling. In bed. When I should’ve gone back to sleep for 45 minutes. But I couldn’t! How could I possibly sleep when I am this close to this amazing, life-changing goal?

I’m over-analyzing my chart, I know. However, does it concern you that my post-o temps are so…flat? Where’s the spike, for implantation? Where’s the drop, for implantation? This chart tells me I haven’t implanted anything yet, if I was going to at all. My thermometer is new, it works wonderfully..I’m a big fan. It’s not the thermometer. I’m really stuck at 98.2. If it jumps up, just once, a big jump, I will be thrilled. But I’d rather have it flat than a drop, too. This is torture.

I wasn’t like this last time. Not this bad. Partly because #1 I knew my timing wasn’t great last time, so it was a shot in the dark. #2 I thought it unlikely to happen the first time around, and #3, I had spotting at 9 DPO so it was all over before I could even consider all of this.

There have been so many BFP’s lately, especially with so many of you bloggers, and I just feel like…this could be so nice, to join you. If it doesn’t happen this cycle, I know it will another cycle. I know I’m going to have a child. It’s just…so hard to start all over. To take Clomid again, go through this waiting thing, again. Wait to ovulate, wait out the TWW. I can’t believe I am so close and I could simply be about to start it over again. Or…maybe not. Maybe I have something here. The timing was practically perfect, after all. I just wish these stupid AF-like cramps would go away and stop worrying me.

There’s a lot riding on this cycle, and I’ve really put my everything into it. I’m hoping for a miracle!

“Purple”

Before I get to the photo challenge for the day, let me update on my ovulation chart.

I am still confused. Here is my chart:

Ignore those first 30 days…Clomid 50 mg decided not to work the second time around, so I “stair stepped”. Ignore the three positive OPK’s…it’s really more like two, but it doesn’t matter. The second one was the big one. So here’s my confusion: Fertility Friend confirmed what I always thought to be true – that you ovulate on the day of your low temp, the day before your temp jumps. That’s what I have thought all along, and it looks like many of you have, too. Fertility Friend agrees.

Here’s where the problem comes in. It’s not the OPK’s. I know that they can be somewhat unreliable, and so I’ve taken that with a grain of salt. The issue is my nurse. I had my blood taken on the day of the temp jump (CD 40…though really CD 19). She called me, that day, and said these exact words, “Today’s the day. It looks like you are surging today.” I took that to mean I ovulated that day. I suppose that may not be true but that’s the way I interpreted it. Therefore, she was saying I ovulated the day of my temp jump, not the day before. Maybe my nurse is wrong, and if so, that’s a bit problematic. But she sounded so sure. My count of whatever must have been high.

Does this really matter in the end? Well, not really. But, I was trying to go for a perfect Fertility Friend score. Do you guys know what I’m talking about? Fertility Friend has this pregnancy monitor, and if you have sex three days, two days, and one day before ovulation, plus the day of, and the day after, you get a perfect score. Chances would be “very high” that I would be pregnant. If I ovulated on the day of the temp jump, I would have a perfect score. But with Fertility Friend telling me I ovulated the day of my low temp, I only received a “high” score. Ha. I’m being so picky about it.

That’s just me looking for every little sign that this may actually work.

Now that I’m in the TWW, and loving that I’m finally here, I have paid Google a visit. I swear it didn’t damage me..I’m fine. I did want to know about the insane amount of creamy CM I’ve had since I ovulated. Like, an insane amount. You know, I was just curious. Just…passing the time. NBD. And I found this link. If you are feeling down and frustrated, I don’t recommend looking at this. It checks the most ridiculous of early pregnancy symptoms, and let’s you know how many people have reported those symptoms. I almost wish I didn’t find it. But I did…so…

Regardless of what happened exactly, I ovulated, for sure, and our timing was good. We will see what happens.

Today was one of those days. It’s baby-palooza, let me tell you. All of a sudden, everyone and their mother is pregnant. Someone I work with announced her pregnancy today. I’m very happy for her, and I told her so. But I practically broke in a cold sweat as she said, “I just wanted to let you all know that…” My hands started shaking. Seriously, take it easy!

Then, hours later, we were out at recess, with some other staff members who are not normally out when I am out there. One woman was talking to the newly pregnant coworker, and then she said, “It would be so fun to have a lot of babies around here. Who’s next? Megan?” Really? Seriously? Honest to God. Here we go again. I decided to take the bull by the horns and I said, slightly sarcastically, “Yeah..workin’ on it.” That kept her quiet. I’m trying, okay? I’ve been trying. I needed medical intervention. You just don’t ask those questions!! And while this process has been very frustrating for me, there are so many people who have it so much worse than I do. What if I was really going through the ringer? You don’t know, when you ask a question like that, what people have gone through. That’s why you don’t ask. Oh well, now she knows. She can go and tell everyone if she’d like, I don’t care. I’m trying. I’ve been trying. Right now we can all focus on my coworker. It’s her time in the limelight.

Who knows, maybe I’ll have a huge positive secret to keep in a few weeks, rather than a negative one. That would be pretty nice.

Okay, on to the photo challenge. “Purple” was tougher than I thought it would be. I love purple. It’s one of my favorite colors, and I wear a lot of dark, plum purple. However, taking a picture of one of my shirts wasn’t doing it for me, so I started looking around the house for something purple. This was the best I could do:

Yes, this is a vacuum. But not just any vacuum. It’s brand new – we got it yesterday, using our credit card points. This vacuum is supposed to be top of the line in removing animal fur. This is a big problem in my house. As you can see, we have mostly hardwood floors. Dog fur is everywhere. We do vacuum every weekend but it’s not enough. This is supposed to be really good, so we will see. Either way, it’s purple.

Is this week over yet?

 

Cluck, cluck.

I am such an idiot. More on that in a few minutes.

Thank you for all of the comments and thoughts regarding my funky “maybe” ovulation stick. Unfortunately, I did not have any more digital tests to use, and I was not able to poas that afternoon to be sure.

Then, yesterday morning, this happened:

That is a beautiful sight, is it not? One of my closest friends uses these cheaper, non-digital sticks, and she once told me, “When it’s positive..you’ll know.” She was right. The test line, on the right, showed up before the control line. It literally popped out within 10 seconds. As you can see, the test line is darker than the control line. Hell’s yes.

Also, yesterday, my temp jumped, from 96.9 to 97.5. In addition, I had cramps like NO OTHER. Seriously, it was unreal. It was horribly painful. Let’s talk about this ovulation pain for a minute. No doubt about it – it’s the best pain I’ve felt in a long time. That’s a happy pain, right there. When the pains first started, on Saturday, it was some dull cramping on my right side. “Yes,” I thought, “I’m ovulating!”. Then, Sunday, the cramping continued, becoming slightly more intense. I realized it hadn’t happened yet, and I had that almost-positive stick, which I showed you in the last post. Then, yesterday, after that beautiful stick, a temp jump, and a trip to the doctor’s to get my blood done, I was excited to get this voicemail after work. “Today’s the day!” the nurse said, “You are surging right now.” And my cramping became unreal. It turned into a sharp, stabbing pain, mostly on my right side, but then later, on my left.

So, I was a hot mess yesterday. Anxious, excited, beside myself, basically. I couldn’t even write a post about it. I know I seriously need to chill when I lay an egg, but see, it’s only my second time dropping one, and it’s so exciting!! And I didn’t want to blow the opportunity.

I did not tell N. He did ask if the nurse called, and I said, “Yes, but I thought you didn’t want to know.” He was hemming and hawing and I decided I did not want him to know when exactly I am ovulating, because last time that caused some nerves that I would rather avoid this time around. I said, “What I’ll tell you is that I am going to ovulate this cycle, but I’m not telling you when. I hope you can hold out for the long haul.” I’m a horrible liar and I’m not sure if he saw right through it. But I made him believe I will be ovulating later in the week when, really, it was last night. That said, we’re going to follow the nurse’s orders and try tonight too, but then I’m going to tell him the truth.

So why am I an idiot? Okay, correct me if I’m wrong ladies, and I obviously must be, but I have read in about 5,000 places in the last year that once your temp jumps, you have already ovulated. It doesn’t hurt to try that day, but it’s most likely over. This is why they say charting your BBT is not the best way to pinpoint when you are going to ovulate, but it’s great at telling you after the fact. You know, because once your temp jumps, it’s after the fact. Has anyone else read this besides me? Boy, was I dead wrong. I mean, totally, completely wrong. Here’s the truth (which you all may already know):the day your temp jumps is the day you ovulate. How did I not know that? I thought it was the day before your temp jumps. But no, because I got my positive stick on temp jump day, and the nurse said I was surging on temp jump day, and that’s when I could literally feel my ovary(ies?) burst and release that sucker – that’s the day to do it, people! So, last time I ovulated, I completely missed the boat. I really did.

I have to thank my ovaries (and, no doubt, this double dosage of Clomid) for letting me know days in advance, through cramping, that I was going to ovulate. Without the pain indicators, I might have missed it. Therefore, we tried ever since I had my pain….and the night before that (coincidence). Because I thought I might be ovulating when I first felt the pain, we kept going straight through. So….Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and today. The timing seems exactly right, but I am a little concerned that by having it work out like that, the sperm count may have depleted a bit. He has a healthy count, so hopefully that is not a problem. We definitely covered our bases, I think. I keep over-analyzing it in my head, the timing, but I’m going to just say other than maybe having it too much, the timing looks just right.

My mind has occasionally wandered to that pain in my left ovary. Is it possible I laid two eggs? While all I really want is a healthy pregnancy, the thought of two eggs dropping, and meeting up with two sperms, makes my head spin. Holy crap. I got this idea in my head, besides from the pain, because of a blogger’s post I recently read. (I really want to give this person credit right now, but I clearly read too many blogs, and I can’t remember whose it was! Help?) This blogger was also on Clomid and was being monitored by ultrasound by her RE. Her RE found she had four dominant follicles forming on CD 10, and the RE told her she might want to consider skipping this cycle, because of a high risk of multiples. She was on the fence about it. This left me with a thought. My RE doesn’t do ultrasound check-ups for someone not having an IUI, and said the blood test is good enough. Who knows how many eggs I just dropped? Probably one, maybe two, but what if it was more than that? Double dose of Clomid, double the pain…who knows? I wasn’t monitored. And after that pain in the other ovary I started to wonder. Either way, it doesn’t matter to me, and I’ll find out eventually if I am actually pregnant.

After tonight, the waiting really begins. I’m already breaking all of the rules, by being so.freaking.excited. I think the timing was right, I definitely “super” ovulated…I did all I could. I will not google anything..yet. I’m good right now. I can wait. Meanwhile, I will go to bed crossing all of my fingers and toes that this will actually turn into something for me. Talk about getting your hopes up too soon. What am I doing?? But I can’t help it. I’m clearly still beside myself. Stupid body. I do not release eggs on my own. That really sucks. But Clomid helps (though apparently only every other cycle..) I am counting on Clomid to get me pregnant. Soon.

I’m too excited to even think much about the photo challenge. Tomorrow, when it’s all over, I’ll be back to it.  Besides, yesterday and today was “commute” and “challenge”. I don’t have much for a commute (10 minutes, suckas!) but I’ll give you a challenge. This picture, above, was a challenge. That stick was challenging me to attempt to make a baby. We faced the challenge head on. Here’s hoping for a miracle.

The Torturous TWW

So I did officially ovulate, which is wonderful. I had my CD 21 blood drawn, except it was on CD 24…close enough. The head nurse to my RE called and said, “Well, you definitely ovulated.” I don’t know how definitely factors into it – I figured it was a “yes, you did” or “no, you didn’t” kind of thing, but my numbers must have been high. I looked at what they were testing me for – estradiol, progesterone, and LH.

All in all, it was a decently stressful, or at least high-anxiety weekend. I ovulated for the first time, possibly ever, and I knew how short the window of opportunity was. I can see how getting lost in the details of that can overshadow the whole reason you’re doing it in the first place. I just kept thinking, we need to do this, we need to do this. It was basically all that was on my brain. Like I said in my last post, in the end, the timing wasn’t perfect – it wasn’t completely ideal. However, it wasn’t horrible, and I’m still not exactly sure when I actually ovulated. If this does go on to next cycle, my mission will be to put the fun back in baby-making. I’ll chalk all this up to it being round 1, but that’s all I’m allowed.

A couple of people asked me about my specific chart, so I decided to post it here and get all of your two cents on it:

As you can see, Fertility Friend didn’t even specify ovulation date yet, or show me a coverline. However, if I remember my facts correctly, you ovulate usually on the last low day before the temp spike, right? So in that case, I would’ve ovulated on CD 24, which was Sunday. I’m guessing Saturday was the key day, and we missed that one, but I’m not going to panic over it.

I’m not all that impressed with the temperatures on my chart. I assumed my spike would’ve been a bit higher. However, I know that I absolutely did ovulate, so I’m going to go with that.

Never did I think, years or even months ago, that I’d be putting the personal details of my life (through my chart, or even my blog for that matter) on the internet for all the world to see. When you want to have a child so badly, that modest thinking seems to go out the window. Or at least it does for me.

So as I’m officially in the TWW, yesterday I did what I assume most crazed TWW-ers do – I googled everything under the sun. And I mean everything. I read every article and every post on every topic related to finding out about being pregnant. I found this website, designed to keep my mind busy with other people’s successes in the TWW, and this one, all about pregnancy tests and OPKs. I looked at other people’s charts on FF. Sometimes I felt better, sometimes I felt worse.

What I discovered was this: I can’t do that. It’s bad for my mental health. It’s just not a good idea! Luckily, I went back to work today, and my mind was kept busy on that. I imagine I’ll be pretty good up until this coming weekend, when I find myself having more free time. I basically can’t stop myself from researching and scouring the internet unless my brain is somewhere else. So, I’ve just started looking at pinterest – though I have no idea how it works. I have a book that needs finishing. I could always do some planning for work. I think I need a new hobby. Of course, blogging is my favorite new hobby, but when I blog, that means I’m thinking about it. So that doesn’t help.

I’m only two days past ovulation (DPO). I’ve got to get all the way to 14 DPO. On that day, I’m allowed to call my head nurse, and she’ll do the blood pregnancy test (and I’ll do my own). I’m not sure I can hold off on POAS until 14 DPO…..but I’ll try.

The Importance of a Good Basal Thermometer

I’ve been using the same, super-cheap CVS brand basal thermometer since I started temping back in July. I never saw a problem with it, except that I had super low temperatures basically all the time. That, and the thermometer seemed to play favorites – I’d only see the same temps over and over again, sometimes for days in a row. Since July, my temperature first thing in the morning has always been 96.8, 97.18, 97.2 or 97.33. An occasional 97.6 was a treat! I chalked this up to my Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis (eventually to be hypothyroid). It’s a symptom of that condition to have low body temps.

This post contains affiliate links, which means if you make a purchase using these links, I will receive a percentage of the profits. 

I knew my temperature really should be a bit higher, and I noticed a slight increase since I started my current multivitamin about a month ago. But even then, my temps hovered between 97.0 and 97.33. So, I did some research and decided I needed to try a new thermometer.

I went with THIS basal thermometer from Amazon. Definitely recommend this purchase, because…

Color me surprised when I took my temperature this morning and was 97.7!! I’m NEVER that high, and I’m definitely not past ovulation, so I know that’s not it! Who knows how long my temperatures have been showing lower than they really were.

To anyone who’s not sure if your thermometer is doing an accurate reading – try this one!