Cluck, cluck.

I am such an idiot. More on that in a few minutes.

Thank you for all of the comments and thoughts regarding my funky “maybe” ovulation stick. Unfortunately, I did not have any more digital tests to use, and I was not able to poas that afternoon to be sure.

Then, yesterday morning, this happened:

That is a beautiful sight, is it not? One of my closest friends uses these cheaper, non-digital sticks, and she once told me, “When it’s positive..you’ll know.” She was right. The test line, on the right, showed up before the control line. It literally popped out within 10 seconds. As you can see, the test line is darker than the control line. Hell’s yes.

Also, yesterday, my temp jumped, from 96.9 to 97.5. In addition, I had cramps like NO OTHER. Seriously, it was unreal. It was horribly painful. Let’s talk about this ovulation pain for a minute. No doubt about it – it’s the best pain I’ve felt in a long time. That’s a happy pain, right there. When the pains first started, on Saturday, it was some dull cramping on my right side. “Yes,” I thought, “I’m ovulating!”. Then, Sunday, the cramping continued, becoming slightly more intense. I realized it hadn’t happened yet, and I had that almost-positive stick, which I showed you in the last post. Then, yesterday, after that beautiful stick, a temp jump, and a trip to the doctor’s to get my blood done, I was excited to get this voicemail after work. “Today’s the day!” the nurse said, “You are surging right now.” And my cramping became unreal. It turned into a sharp, stabbing pain, mostly on my right side, but then later, on my left.

So, I was a hot mess yesterday. Anxious, excited, beside myself, basically. I couldn’t even write a post about it. I know I seriously need to chill when I lay an egg, but see, it’s only my second time dropping one, and it’s so exciting!! And I didn’t want to blow the opportunity.

I did not tell N. He did ask if the nurse called, and I said, “Yes, but I thought you didn’t want to know.” He was hemming and hawing and I decided I did not want him to know when exactly I am ovulating, because last time that caused some nerves that I would rather avoid this time around. I said, “What I’ll tell you is that I am going to ovulate this cycle, but I’m not telling you when. I hope you can hold out for the long haul.” I’m a horrible liar and I’m not sure if he saw right through it. But I made him believe I will be ovulating later in the week when, really, it was last night. That said, we’re going to follow the nurse’s orders and try tonight too, but then I’m going to tell him the truth.

So why am I an idiot? Okay, correct me if I’m wrong ladies, and I obviously must be, but I have read in about 5,000 places in the last year that once your temp jumps, you have already ovulated. It doesn’t hurt to try that day, but it’s most likely over. This is why they say charting your BBT is not the best way to pinpoint when you are going to ovulate, but it’s great at telling you after the fact. You know, because once your temp jumps, it’s after the fact. Has anyone else read this besides me? Boy, was I dead wrong. I mean, totally, completely wrong. Here’s the truth (which you all may already know):the day your temp jumps is the day you ovulate. How did I not know that? I thought it was the day before your temp jumps. But no, because I got my positive stick on temp jump day, and the nurse said I was surging on temp jump day, and that’s when I could literally feel my ovary(ies?) burst and release that sucker – that’s the day to do it, people! So, last time I ovulated, I completely missed the boat. I really did.

I have to thank my ovaries (and, no doubt, this double dosage of Clomid) for letting me know days in advance, through cramping, that I was going to ovulate. Without the pain indicators, I might have missed it. Therefore, we tried ever since I had my pain….and the night before that (coincidence). Because I thought I might be ovulating when I first felt the pain, we kept going straight through. So….Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and today. The timing seems exactly right, but I am a little concerned that by having it work out like that, the sperm count may have depleted a bit. He has a healthy count, so hopefully that is not a problem. We definitely covered our bases, I think. I keep over-analyzing it in my head, the timing, but I’m going to just say other than maybe having it too much, the timing looks just right.

My mind has occasionally wandered to that pain in my left ovary. Is it possible I laid two eggs? While all I really want is a healthy pregnancy, the thought of two eggs dropping, and meeting up with two sperms, makes my head spin. Holy crap. I got this idea in my head, besides from the pain, because of a blogger’s post I recently read. (I really want to give this person credit right now, but I clearly read too many blogs, and I can’t remember whose it was! Help?) This blogger was also on Clomid and was being monitored by ultrasound by her RE. Her RE found she had four dominant follicles forming on CD 10, and the RE told her she might want to consider skipping this cycle, because of a high risk of multiples. She was on the fence about it. This left me with a thought. My RE doesn’t do ultrasound check-ups for someone not having an IUI, and said the blood test is good enough. Who knows how many eggs I just dropped? Probably one, maybe two, but what if it was more than that? Double dose of Clomid, double the pain…who knows? I wasn’t monitored. And after that pain in the other ovary I started to wonder. Either way, it doesn’t matter to me, and I’ll find out eventually if I am actually pregnant.

After tonight, the waiting really begins. I’m already breaking all of the rules, by being so.freaking.excited. I think the timing was right, I definitely “super” ovulated…I did all I could. I will not google anything..yet. I’m good right now. I can wait. Meanwhile, I will go to bed crossing all of my fingers and toes that this will actually turn into something for me. Talk about getting your hopes up too soon. What am I doing?? But I can’t help it. I’m clearly still beside myself. Stupid body. I do not release eggs on my own. That really sucks. But Clomid helps (though apparently only every other cycle..) I am counting on Clomid to get me pregnant. Soon.

I’m too excited to even think much about the photo challenge. Tomorrow, when it’s all over, I’ll be back to it.  Besides, yesterday and today was “commute” and “challenge”. I don’t have much for a commute (10 minutes, suckas!) but I’ll give you a challenge. This picture, above, was a challenge. That stick was challenging me to attempt to make a baby. We faced the challenge head on. Here’s hoping for a miracle.

I’m not in a funk.

I’m not in a funk. Don’t worry. However, this is the same time during my last cycle that I was in a funk, and I know why. It’s CD 17, and there are no signs of ovulation. I’m not overly concerned, not yet anyway, because I did not ovulate on Clomid Round 1 until CD 24. But that’s still a week away. Last cycle at this time, I was sure it wasn’t going to happen at all, and that it would be a waste of a cycle. This time, I’m telling myself I’ll apparently ovulate around the same time, so no panicking until after CD 24. So, like I said, I’m not in a funk. But geez, this waiting to ovulate thing. Why couldn’t I have taken Clomid days 3-7, and therefore ovulated earlier? Why has my nurse just shoved the pills at me and basically said, “Good luck”?

Plus, I’m using those cheaper, non-digital OPK’s now, and I want to know: Are they accurate? My second line in the morning is always very faint, but visible. In the afternoons it isn’t visible at all. Am I drinking too much water after lunch? I’ve been holding off going to the bathroom from noon to at least 4:00, sometimes later, but I do have some water in between. Is that okay?

My temperature was the exact same four days in a row, which is always concerning regarding the quality of the thermometer, but that same thermometer worked great last cycle. Just to check, I used  it last night, and got a different reading. Phew, it does work. Then this morning’s temp – the same temp as last night!

Here is what it comes down to. I just want to be sure I am doing absolutely everything in my power to make this baby. Even if it doesn’t happen, I want to know that I did everything I could. That  means I can’t mess up 1) my temps, 2) observing my CM, 3) my BD timing, and 4) reading my OPK’s.

Right now my temps are acting oddly, my CM is constant but not what I’m looking for, my BD timing is…well, okay so far. A few days-in-a-row and a few every-others, and my OPK’s…well the second line is barely there. That’s all fine and good as long as it’s correct. As long as I’m not making an error. I’ll go ahead and wait until next weekend, when it should be time, and then we will try with all our  mights.

This cycle, as I have said before, I’m not telling  my husband when I get the smiley face, or now, the second line. That was way too much pressure for him last time. He doesn’t want to know. That’s fine with me, actually. But it does make it quieter around here. In the past few years, and especially months, we have talked about everything regarding TTC. Everything. He hears it all, and we talk about it. Now that he doesn’t want to know, I don’t have much to share regarding that. Oh well. One more week and then after that, then I may start panicking. I’ll be calling up my nurse and cursing her out for not getting me that CD 21 blood test.

As I re-read this post, I think to myself, “Holy teacher!” Talk about controlling. I’ve always been that way – a total teacher by nature. Slightly Type-A, with both feet planted firmly on the ground, saying, “Okay, how can I fix this? How can I change this? How can I control this?” I guess I picked the right career, at least. And of course, after a certain point, I can’t control it, and that drives me absolutely insane.

I wasn’t going to post today, actually. I have spent the last few hours in the Saturday morning dawn doing some “blog business” – that is, scouting the internet for new blogs. I used the blogroll on Stirrup-Queens site, found a few areas that might match me, and clicked away. Can I just tell you how many times I clicked on a link to a blog where the person was pregnant? Not only that, but at least 5 I clicked on were pregnant with twins? Or had just given birth to twins? These blogs were in the wrong section, obviously. But seriously. I think in two hours of searching I found one, maybe two blogs, that were in a similar place I am now, that were not pregnant. Is everyone getting pregnant right now?? Needless to say, I didn’t have much luck this morning.

You guys would know better than I would, anyway. So if you know of a great blog that you’d like to share, I would love to check it out!