As I was getting my blood drawn this morning in my bed at 7 am and the nurse stuck the arm I don’t normally use, I thought about how good the vein on my other arm is. It never hurts and getting blood from there is a smooth process. Then I thought about the fact that I know this information because I have been stuck with a needle in that spot, gosh, hundreds of times. Do I still remember going through IVF last November? Having three IUI’s before that, and six rounds of Clomid before that? Being bitter and cranky over two years of infertility – one year of medical treatments and one year of autoimmune thyroid issues and crazy hives and not being able to do a thing until it was under control?
I do remember, but maybe I should think of it more often because I am ready to no longer be pregnant, mentally. I feel a little guilty about this. Then again, it’s not like those trying two years led to a walk in the park pregnancy. The best part of the whole thing, and that of which I’ll forever be grateful, was being able to get pregnant, for both embryos to take, and for us to be having a boy and a girl. So I mean, that was the overall goal and I shouldn’t take it for granted.
However. Crippling nausea that needed medication followed by (after about a month and a half of feeling good) 10 weeks of bed rest that involved me leaving my job in late April. Weeks 9 and 10 of bed rest spent in the hospital. Two trips to labor and delivery for preterm labor, the first at 28 weeks. I’m on week 11 of bed rest, 3 in the hospital.
But! Today is 34 weeks – a hugeeee milestone. There are no other milestones for me, though the later I go the better for the babies. But this was the one that I was shooting for from the beginning. Never thought I’d reach it.
I’ve spent the last two weeks 5 cm dilated and 100% effaced. I’m not on any medication to stop labor. And still my babies cook.
So at this point, I consider any day I’m still pregnant great for babies. Mentally, I’m thrilled I made it here and now….being pregnant isn’t really enjoyable. So I won’t be upset when it ends.
More than the crazy discomfort my small stomach is feeling (I’ve only gained 35 pounds) is my desire to be done with this because I want to move on. I’m ready for the next stage of life. The infertility/pregnancy stage was great and all but it’s coming to a close. Perhaps I would’ve enjoyed pregnancy more had I been allowed off my couch/bed in the last few months. It’s very hard to celebrate a pregnancy by yourself day by day, as you lie there counting contractions and praying your babies make it.
Now, even though at 34 weeks we might be looking at a week or two in the NICU, I finally feel like we made it. And like I said, every day after today is a bonus. 35 weeks would be crazy and 36 is practically full term for twins. We are ready for a new chapter, and eager to close this anxiety-ridden one. So all-in-all, today is a good day, just based on the number of weeks I’ve been pregnant.
On a separate note, in the past week my autoimmune hives have started creeping back. A few on my arm, a small one on my lip, and two nights of a lump in my throat. Yuck. I’ve forgotten all about that. I haven’t had a hive in probably a year. Well I asked for my thyroid to be tested and sure enough, my TSH went up from 0. something to 1.5. Yes, it’s still in the normal range. No, it’s not a good number for me. I knew it went up. I need to be between zero and one, and I’d be curious to see if everything calms down.
What I think I’m going to do is wait until after I give birth and then have it re-checked and adjust my dosage then. It takes 6 weeks for a new dose to kick in and I know my hormones will be wacky in a few weeks anyway. Until then I now have to try and avoid my hive triggers and the biggest one is sugar. It’s pretty hard to be super healthy in a hospital. Just another reason I’m ready to go home and start the next chapter.