“Illuminate”, with a question

Illuminate. This one is a bit of a hard one. I know what it means, but I wasn’t sure how to illustrate this in my own life. However, I think I’ve found what will do the trick:

Again, crappy quality on my cell phone. I’ll let you know when there’s a picture posted from my good camera, though I’m sure you’ll be able to see the difference. Anyway, here’s my version of “illuminate”. I talked about candles in my post yesterday, so it’s fitting. I love Yankee Candles. This can be blamed on my mother, who has a history of loving Yankee Candles. In fact, she almost burned the house down one time from a candle catching onto a dried flower wreath. My sister and I ran screaming from the house, hiding in the car and crying our eyes out. I was probably 13, my sister was 6. My two parakeets were upstairs in my bedroom and I was sure they’d be dead – screw my parents, save the birds! My father grabbed the fire extinguisher and covered the whole living room in that white powder stuff. Super mess. The fire was out, but every single toy and item in that room had to be taken out on the front lawn and hosed down. No fire department necessary, but I’m sure the neighbors thought we were nuts.

Even after that incident, though, my mother has collected, and burned, Yankee Candles. She must have 20. Now that I am in my own house, I have about 8 or so. I love to burn candles with certain scents for certain seasons, so you can see why Apple Cider is a current hit right now. Yesterday, I burned “Icicles” and “Sparkling Snow” together for a soft, wintery, light scent. I’m all about it. These candles “illuminate” my house on a daily basis, contributing to that “homey”, “cozy” feel I was talking about yesterday.

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Okay, now I have a question for all of you out there. You know, for me, ovulation comes around once every 50-100 days (ha) and it’s so rare that I actually get to have a question regarding my ovulation, but today, I do!

What is your take on this?

This was a few minutes ago. The top, cheaper stick (stupid cheap ones) sure seems to show the test line and the control line as the same. I suppose you could say the test line is slightly lighter, but just barely. The bottom, my last smiley face stick, shows no smiley. One looks positive, the other clearly negative. What do you make of that??

There is something else, too. I had cramping all yesterday. I found that the pain was localized mostly to my right side. Last time I ovulated, it was on my left side! I’ve never been so happy to feel cramps. But they really felt like…ovulation pains. Yesterday morning’s stick was not even close to positive, so I know I didn’t miss it. Today’s looks promising, especially after yesterday’s cramping. But the smiley faces are usually not wrong. My temps are also very low – it all looks perfect! It’s CD 18, so it could actually be happening! But what gives with the stupid OPK’s?

Tomorrow morning I go for a blood test (even though it’ll only be CD 19) to see if I’m ovulating or what. It’ll be nice to have an actual answer. If she says there’s no ovulation in sight I may just scream. I’ll keep you posted.

I’m not in a funk.

I’m not in a funk. Don’t worry. However, this is the same time during my last cycle that I was in a funk, and I know why. It’s CD 17, and there are no signs of ovulation. I’m not overly concerned, not yet anyway, because I did not ovulate on Clomid Round 1 until CD 24. But that’s still a week away. Last cycle at this time, I was sure it wasn’t going to happen at all, and that it would be a waste of a cycle. This time, I’m telling myself I’ll apparently ovulate around the same time, so no panicking until after CD 24. So, like I said, I’m not in a funk. But geez, this waiting to ovulate thing. Why couldn’t I have taken Clomid days 3-7, and therefore ovulated earlier? Why has my nurse just shoved the pills at me and basically said, “Good luck”?

Plus, I’m using those cheaper, non-digital OPK’s now, and I want to know: Are they accurate? My second line in the morning is always very faint, but visible. In the afternoons it isn’t visible at all. Am I drinking too much water after lunch? I’ve been holding off going to the bathroom from noon to at least 4:00, sometimes later, but I do have some water in between. Is that okay?

My temperature was the exact same four days in a row, which is always concerning regarding the quality of the thermometer, but that same thermometer worked great last cycle. Just to check, I used  it last night, and got a different reading. Phew, it does work. Then this morning’s temp – the same temp as last night!

Here is what it comes down to. I just want to be sure I am doing absolutely everything in my power to make this baby. Even if it doesn’t happen, I want to know that I did everything I could. That  means I can’t mess up 1) my temps, 2) observing my CM, 3) my BD timing, and 4) reading my OPK’s.

Right now my temps are acting oddly, my CM is constant but not what I’m looking for, my BD timing is…well, okay so far. A few days-in-a-row and a few every-others, and my OPK’s…well the second line is barely there. That’s all fine and good as long as it’s correct. As long as I’m not making an error. I’ll go ahead and wait until next weekend, when it should be time, and then we will try with all our  mights.

This cycle, as I have said before, I’m not telling  my husband when I get the smiley face, or now, the second line. That was way too much pressure for him last time. He doesn’t want to know. That’s fine with me, actually. But it does make it quieter around here. In the past few years, and especially months, we have talked about everything regarding TTC. Everything. He hears it all, and we talk about it. Now that he doesn’t want to know, I don’t have much to share regarding that. Oh well. One more week and then after that, then I may start panicking. I’ll be calling up my nurse and cursing her out for not getting me that CD 21 blood test.

As I re-read this post, I think to myself, “Holy teacher!” Talk about controlling. I’ve always been that way – a total teacher by nature. Slightly Type-A, with both feet planted firmly on the ground, saying, “Okay, how can I fix this? How can I change this? How can I control this?” I guess I picked the right career, at least. And of course, after a certain point, I can’t control it, and that drives me absolutely insane.

I wasn’t going to post today, actually. I have spent the last few hours in the Saturday morning dawn doing some “blog business” – that is, scouting the internet for new blogs. I used the blogroll on Stirrup-Queens site, found a few areas that might match me, and clicked away. Can I just tell you how many times I clicked on a link to a blog where the person was pregnant? Not only that, but at least 5 I clicked on were pregnant with twins? Or had just given birth to twins? These blogs were in the wrong section, obviously. But seriously. I think in two hours of searching I found one, maybe two blogs, that were in a similar place I am now, that were not pregnant. Is everyone getting pregnant right now?? Needless to say, I didn’t have much luck this morning.

You guys would know better than I would, anyway. So if you know of a great blog that you’d like to share, I would love to check it out!

Monday Mind Dump, the third.

It’s Monday again..you know what that means. Time to dump out my thoughts – random or otherwise.

1) I love how I can blog from my phone. I mean, it’s more of a pain, for sure, but I was just sitting here, being a slug on the couch, and decided to blog. All I had to do was pick up my phone. Of course, part of the problem is that I can’t get up, as Sadie is draped across my feet. This leads me to my second mind dump.

2) We’ve had a doggy injury! Yesterday, the husband was throwing a ball around the backyard with Riley, and as she was running, she obviously stepped on something sharp. My tough little rescue dog didn’t cry at all, but she picked up her front paw and hobbled to my husband, who scooped her up. He called out to me to grab paper towels, because she was dripping blood from her poor paw, all over our deck. It bled for a little while, and of course she kept licking it. We decided she probably cut her pad a little bit, and when the bleeding stopped, we waited it out. Plus, we would have to drive a while for a vet open on Sunday afternoons.

Anyway, to make a long story short, it wasn’t her pad, it was her outside nail. Something got between it and her pad, hence the blood. As Riley licked it all night, it started to come loose. We got her into the vet first thing this morning, and by then it was barely on – turned sideways, sticking out. Luckily, the vet did not have to put her under, which would’ve cost us hundreds. They did, however, take the nail off. She’s now licking it again, and it could be sore for 6 weeks, they said. She’s down a nail. Poor puppy. All I know is that she was the first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning, and I had to get up and make sure she was okay! My babies before babies.

3) Happy thoughts, Day 3. It’s going to work, I’m telling you. Well, I’m telling myself. I got these cheap OPK’s, the old-fashioned kind, because the digital ones were getting too expensive. Sure hope they work just as good! The only problem is they require the test stick to lay flat, not moved, for 4 minutes. How can I do that at work? I can’t always hold it until I get home. Yikes.

4) We have started the “games” today. I’m going all out here, people! His count is good, let’s do this! (Talk to me again in 12 days.) Hey, maybe I’ll ovulate earlier than CD 24 this time, that would be nice.

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