Meltdown.

Today was just one of those absolutely mentally exhausting days.

But it’s not as if every day is all sunshine and rainbows and then today hit like a supercell thunderstorm – no, the babies must be in a wonder month week or something because it’s been a nice gradual buildup to insanity. Right now it mostly resides with B. He’s SO unbelievably fussy. And by fussy, I mean angry. There’s nothing that he wants, or if there is, I can’t figure it out (other than the remote, my cell phone, the dog bone, his sister’s face, anything he can’t have). He is no longer content to sit. I knew this day would come, as both babies sat for months all nicely and whatnot, but now that they both want to crawl, they don’t want to sit. But they can’t crawl, not yet. And so for B – he’s just so frustrated with his little life. He doesn’t want to be held, but he doesn’t want to sit, practice tummy time, stand, jump – honestly, there’s no telling what he wants. If his sister has a toy he wants and he can’t get it, he smacks his sister in the face repeatedly. (What’s with that??) And every day, I try to get the babies out of the house or do something different, just to appease him and change up the day.

Today just wasn’t one of those days. After he woke up from his second nap (albeit a little early) he did nothing but scream for the next hour, at least. Finally I just decided to feed him early to calm him down, but he was still in hysterics while chugging his milk through his straw cup, subsequently choking, gasping, and projectile spitting it all over himself and me. C decided to join the scream fest when I ripped her out of her crib and ran down the stairs without giving her time to kind of adjust post-nap, because I had to return to the screaming child. And then, giving her no attention, I plunked her down to sit for a while as I worked on B and finally, she had enough of being forgotten. Cue tears. Sad, crocodile tears. I imagine she was wailing, “You forgot meeeeeeee”. I didn’t. I kept thanking her for being so patient and swore it would be her turn soon but for some reason, I don’t think she understood.

I say this must be a wonder week because both of them cry in hysterics multiple times a day. More B than C – he is guaranteed a massive meltdown every single time I 1) change his diaper, 2) put him in the stroller, 3) put him in the high chair, 4) put on his PJs, and 5) put him down for a nap. Let’s say on a daily basis he goes through around 5-7 diapers, 2 walks in the stroller, 3 times in the high chair, plus one PJ routine and two naps. So that’s – 13-15 meltdowns a DAY for Mr. B. The pattern here is laying him down flat and restraining him with straps. Nope, he does not like those things. Thankfully, C is less meltdown-prone but she tends to fuss more often.

And it’s days like these that kind of, sort of, make me want to go back to work. It’s not that I don’t WANT to be with my children (cue guilt for even having to write that), and it’s not like I’m DYING to be at my job (no offense, colleagues) – but going to work would force me out of the drabness that surrounds a stay-at-home parent. And we do get out of the house every day, even if for just a walk. But one hour away and at a playgroup doesn’t change the fact that I’m, by myself, taking care of two babies for around 10 hours a day. That one hour of socialization (or half hour, at the library sing-along), doesn’t change the fact that when we get home, I’m back on super-duty. It’s just so exhausting – starting from 6:00 am when we are all up until they go to bed at 7:00 pm. So going to work would allow me to step out of that realm for most of my day. But see – that’s also the downside of going to work. I don’t WANT to be away from the babies, I just want some breaks in my day.

I give major props to the stay-at-home-parent who is permanently in that position. Do you ever change out of sweatpants? Put on makeup? Work on yourself when you’re staying at home? I can’t seem to do it – we have started a little short jog with the jogging stroller in the mornings, so that’s good for me I guess. I don’t particularly FIT into my old, nicer clothes, so yes, I’ve been in sweatpants for let’s see – oh, about a year and a half.

So it’s a challenge. Today, I didn’t really feel like the parent as much as the nanny – just passing the hours. And that’s sad. Here’s hoping to tomorrow being a better day.

On a happier note, I’m finally planning the babies’ first birthday party and I’m excited about it. There’s absolutely no NEED to have anything lavish, or a theme, or much more than a mid-summer BBQ. However, being at home has allowed me to tap into my creative side and I have thoroughly enjoyed finding a theme. Thank you, Pinterest and Etsy – for exposing me to the vintage ice cream shoppe idea. I am on a mission to do this on a budget, so we’ll see how “vintage” I get, but it’s a big day that’s coming up in only 2 short months. Yikes.

I also received a new camera lens and wow, what a difference. Taking a picture now lets the subject really stand out and pop, as it blurs out the background. Do nannies take pictures for you while you go to work??

DSC_0511

 

DSC_0625

 

DSC_0717

C sees the camera come out and it’s instant smiles and holding poses. Much appreciated. B – not so much. It’s song and dance time until he smiles, or at least looks your way.

DSC_0280 2

 

DSC_0616

 

DSC_0733

 

And a few together, because I can’t resist.

DSC_0232

 

DSC_0484