Secrets no more!

Well, I’ve finally done it. I’ve told the rest of the members of my family (and my in-laws) that I’m struggling with conceiving a child and therefore am getting medical assistance. There. I said it.

Most of my close family already knew – but there were a couple people I was holding out on. I was hoping my husband could jump in and help, because I have seemed to be tongue-tied for the last seven months, but he was definitely less assertive than I was. So that wasn’t going to work.

Finally, the other night, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I hate this idea of carrying a personal secret that someone close to me, whom I trust, would want to know, and would be supportive about. Why keep it in? I didn’t give specifics, just that medication would be involved and I’d be starting in a few weeks.

Ever since then – I feel so much better. I have nothing to hide! Seriously! It’s out (not on Facebook….but out), and I just feel such relief. On Christmas, if the question comes up, I’m ready to deal with it. I’ve got my speech prepared.

Telling people about this was seriously the best thing I ever did, because I feel better.

Now, on to Clomid!! Three more Provera pills and I’ll hopefully get AF two days after that, like I did last time. That would put me right at Christmas – with the office closed. Oh well. As long as I’m calling on Monday and starting Clomid shortly after that, I’ll be happy. I’ll keep you updated!

Hope for Clomid

So this thought has been spinning around in my head for a few days, and that’s how I know it’s time to share.

I am, of course, excited to be starting Clomid soon. Really, really excited. I’ve also been easily over-sharing the details of my infertility to people outside of the online blogging world, in real life. This hasn’t always been the best decision. I’ve just been in my own little world, anxiously waiting for my first treatment to my anovulation.

Recently, after declaring out loud, “I can’t wait [for Clomid]! I’m so excited – I just want to do this already!” someone said in response, “Well, you’re happy to start the process, you mean. It’s probably not going to be that easy.”

I’ve actually had a few people say something like this to me – so it’s not just this one. The person who said this particular comment to me did not mean this to sound – pessimistic. She’s actually been very supportive, as she had gone through similar experiences a few years ago, which has, at this time, not had a happy ending. I know she wasn’t trying to be negative; she was trying to be realistic and to help me keep an even head. I believe now that she was probably talking more to herself than to me.

Here’s the thing: After blogging (seemingly endlessly) about waiting, and patience, and being full of unanswered questions, I finally have an answer: anovulation, and a treatment: Clomid. I realize that it is my very first treatment to this problem. I also realize that of course, there’s probably a pretty decent chance that it won’t work, and I’ll have to move my treatments to the next level, IUI. Who knows, that might not work and I’ll be moving to IVF. I know all this.

If I don’t have hope that Clomid is going to work (and maybe naively, I do), then how could I possibly go through this process and keep my sanity intact? I’m not saying that if this doesn’t work I’ll be completely surprised, but I have to hope it will. And I do. In fact, I hope it works in the first very round. Doubtful? Yes. But I’m going to hope for it anyway.

I guess what I’m saying is this: in my opinion, if you’re going through fertility treatments, you have to be positive. If you aren’t, and you’re reminding yourself constantly that this probably won’t work, we’ll have to try something else – well then, you’ll drive yourself crazy. I am telling myself that Clomid is going to help me get pregnant so that I can have something to hope for while on Clomid. Otherwise, what would be the point?

To all of my new blogging friends who are at any step in the fertility treatments process, how did you handle comments like this? Did you keep positive thoughts through each type of treatment?

Do I want to share? I do..but I don’t…

I’m feeling some reflection coming on. (My friends roll their eyes when I do this.) There are so many people out there who are going through their infertility journeys that have been going on for years. They’ve had injections, IVF, and countless other treatments that I don’t even know about yet. After doing a blog search through this main site, I’ve come across some of those people. I really feel for them, and almost feel sheepish commenting on their blogs that I’m just starting my journey.

That said, I love writing this blog. It is so therapeutic to me, and helpful. But there are a few things standing in my way.

If this blog could have turned into anything, I would have loved for it to be a sort of forum for pregnancy, for those who are struggling and those who aren’t. While this is currently all about my story, I’d love to eventually hear the stories of those who are going through their own pregnancy journeys, allowing for a place full of information for anyone trying to get pregnant.

Therefore, I’ve been thinking about how to improve my blog, and I have a few thoughts. First, my story is a big deal to me. My friends are very caring and supportive, and read my posts, which I appreciate. But as I said before, so many others are going through this times 100, and in no way do I want this to sound like I’m the only one who’s struggling here. I’d love to get this out to the public, to women who could share their comments and stories.

How do you get a blog out to the public successfully? Well, it might help to own your site. At this time, I do not. But it still can be shared – through sites like Twitter and Facebook, and through word of mouth. I can put tags in my posts, to make it easier to locate. I could spend way more time on this blog, and add photos and make it look more cleaned up. I wish I had time for this!

But as I’m super excited to have a few followers who aren’t my close friends – perfect strangers going through a similar experience, I’m wondering how to keep spreading the word. I’m totally fine with my friends who already know about this sharing this with their friends – especially anyone they think might benefit from the support.

Here’s oneeee little problem. I haven’t told all of my family and friends about this. At all. Therefore, I can’t put anything on Facebook. I keep wanting to make that leap, because I know there are many of my Facebook friends who would be supportive, but then ALL of my Facebook friends would know, and many of them I’m not really close to. Do I want to put my problems out there for the world to see? It is my place to do that, when everyone has issues, but not everyone broadcasts them?

As you can see, I’m going back and forth. Once I share it with the Facebook world – it’s all out there. There’s no going back! Lately, I’ve been wanting to tell practically everyone about it. I’m not necessarily looking for anything – but it makes me feel better to get it off my chest. Unfortunately, I’m still too chicken to take that big step. So until then – I appreciate my blog followers, those who I know and those I don’t, and will take baby steps into really getting this out into the world.

Finally – I’d love suggestions! If you have a blog – what works for you? What are some challenges you faced when starting your blog? If you don’t have a blog – as a reader, what does and doesn’t interest you? What could I do to improve the look and feel of this blog? Thanks for your input! 🙂