32.5 weeks

It’s been almost a week in the hospital. Still no babies!

My hip pain turned out to be bursitis of the hip, this little fluid filled sac that hurts like hell when I move in certain positions or lay on that side. However, it’s been much better yesterday and today and I need much less help getting up and walking. Though they got me a walker as if I didn’t feel old and feeble already.

Thank you guys for all the nice comments! This has been one long ass journey.

Yesterday brought a little normalcy though – we still had our previously scheduled ultrasound to check on babies’ growth. Getting there via stretcher wasn’t normal and I was dirty… Like really dirty. Oh well. Anyway, both babies continue to look great. They are over the 4 pound mark, both already have hair apparently, and we got a nice shot of Goat, the first good one we have.

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So cute! Bug is so far down and ready to make his exit that they couldn’t even measure his head, not to mention get a picture. There will be no more scheduled ultrasounds. Everyone, doctors included, are just waiting.

I’m still torn between wanting them to cook longer and wanting this to be over, stat. But I guess I have no say in the matter anyway.

By the way, for those who asked for my new blog’s link, I’m still getting it together but will post it once here when the babies make their debut.

Which will hopefully be soon…. But not too soon!

31.5 weeks

My last post was a bit of a downer. There are good days and bad days when you’re waiting to go into labor anytime over the course of many weeks. I can take the mental ups and downs – it’s the physical changes and threats of preterm labor that get to me. Anyway, today is a better day mostly, with only a couple scattered contractions. The rib pain is all Goat – I feel body parts swimming under my ribs. I spend a decent amount of my day pressing back in hopes that she will move. But with Bug in there too, and my stomach being what I would call really small for twins, I don’t believe that little girl is going anywhere. I’ve now gained about 31 pounds, and I’m 31 weeks. Here’s my gut:

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But my newest ailment is this rash – what the heck?? It started on the tops of my hands, and 3 or 4 days later has spread to my arms, tops of feet, knee caps, and a few other places. The little red bumps have started on my stomach but don’t itch yet. Not to be gross, but this is the back of my arm:

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It doesn’t look really bad but it does itch. My hands itch the most. I called the ob today and I was told that it doesn’t sound pregnancy related so I need to see my primary care physician. First of all, I can’t imagine how it’s NOT pregnancy related. I’ve been on this couch since the end of April. Where would it come from? Also, it’s been so long since I saw my primary care, she’s not even there anymore. The past few years, I’ve needed specialists – for infertility, my thyroid, and my autoimmune hives (no, nothing at all like this itchy rash). I’ve not needed primary care. Anyway, I did call and I am still in their system so I’ll be going this afternoon. Going out into the world is a big deal – I walk like a 95 year old and have contractions in the car. So if I’m told its just eczema – well, that’s irritating because that’s what I think it is. Then again, I’d be glad it wasn’t anything more serious. I’m just wondering what else this pregnancy has in store for me!

Last night my husband and I discussed the fact that though I’d be physically more comfortable after giving birth (well, after recovery), it’s not something we wish for. Right now, these babies are tucked in like sardines and are safe. Once they are out… they’re out. I’ll be empty and no longer their protector. And for whatever reason, that is a scary thought. Especially at this gestation.

I’m still worried about my lack of preparation. Not only do I know nothing about giving birth or breastfeeding, but we have very little clothing for the babies, very few diapers for newborns, and a nursery that currently is painted and that’s it. This is partially due to not having a shower because of bed rest. We still have to order carpet and then all the furniture is either not bought yet (the dresser) or in the garage in boxes. We are not at all ready for this. I know that if they were born now, they’d be in the NICU but if it all goes well, they could come home anytime between 35-38 weeks. And that’s not far away. This whole pregnancy has gone backwards! But the ultimate goal is healthy babies and my hopes for that are high. I may need to buy some clothes, though.

So that’s where I’m at today. I really, really want to make it to Monday. The number 32 sounds so much better than 31.

Even after being skunked, my puppies are still cute, even though Riley’s head still smells.

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Riley’s little tongue sticks out when she naps.

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Sadie knows exactly how to pose to get whatever it is that she wants.

30.5

Even though I’m just reclined on my couch all day, every day and you’d therefore assume I just chill out and the days pass that way, that is not the case. Something is always happening, and it’s usually stressful.

On Tuesday night, my husband stayed up late and took the dogs out for their last bathroom trip at 12:30. He thought he was going to bed – ha! The dogs got sprayed by a skunk. Riley took the brunt of it, and in the face. The skunk was on the other side of the fence and since then, Riley hasn’t wanted to go outside. She was traumatized.

Anyway, this has never happened to us before and my husband needed help. He did know not to let them in the house. I woke up, started googling, Nate drove to CVS at 1 am to get hydrogen peroxide. I was completely helpless except for my ability to google, so my sister came over at 2 to help with the “washing” of the dogs on the deck. The house absolutely reeked, and this was before the dogs ever came back in the house. The smell isn’t even anything like the typical skunk smell – it was like rotting onions and garlic. Didn’t make me nauseous but was not pleasant. And again, I couldn’t help at all. We were all up until 3:30 am, which isn’t good for this pregnant girl. The mixture is what the Internet says is the best and they were right – it worked. Unfortunately, it’s basically acid and shouldn’t be used on a dog’s head or face, and that’s where Riley got sprayed, so she still smelled. We slept for 3 hours before Riley was up and begging for food. Nate got her to Petco first thing in the morning and she got a skunk treatment grooming. Two days later, and her head still smells. Bad. But we’ve done everything we could so she’s back on the furniture. Only time will help now!

It was just frustrating because while Nate was out on the deck dealing with the dogs in the middle of the night, I wanted to help. The house smelled so bad. Issues come up and he has to handle them all, when in a normal life, both people would be needed to take care of the issue. Anyway, I’m still getting whiffs of skunk. And both dogs have been extra skittish. Sadie wouldn’t eat this morning because she was afraid of the dog food bag. And again, there’s nothing I can do to help.

I wish I could go one full day and night feeling decently comfortable. After all, it’s not like I’m doing anything. Then again, this might be wishful thinking when I’m 30.5 weeks pregnant with twins, measuring 35-36 weeks in size. One of the more annoying and sometimes infuriating pains is in my right ribs, way up high. I used to think it was because Baby B is breech so there are some body parts up there, but then I read it has something to do with the stretching of your uterus. Either way it’s awful!

And last night it all started with the rib pain. I was up and down, trying all positions to get rid of the pain. With no such luck after at least an hour of wriggling around the living room, I just went to bed. I’m sure I hadn’t drank enough and moved way too much. All of a sudden I had bad period-like cramping and lower back pain. It started to be severe. I knew that could be contractions and preterm labor, though the contractions I’ve had up until last night felt totally different. I kept an eye on it, even after Nate went to bed. I had a feeling they were contractions as the severe pain sometimes came in waves. It really hurt. I had my phone in hand after about two hours, thinking this is it, I’m going back in and these are completely different from the contractions I had in the hospital. Maybe these were the real deal.

And then all of a sudden, I fell asleep. When I woke up, the pain was gone. And it hasn’t come back since. How can you be in labor and then not be? I was sure that was worth going to the hospital for. I’m glad I didn’t, especially at midnight, but it was just so weird.

I’m monitoring it today and while the rib pain is still there off and on, the cramping isn’t. It was just so weird and slightly alarming. Blah. Waiting for preterm labor is stressful. It could be tomorrow or I could go full term. But I’m at such a high risk for ptl that I need to be on the lookout all day long. Not fun. I’m still worried about having to give birth in two different ways – both vaginal and with a c-section. Thank you for those success stories. There’s no way to know. This little boy is coming out vaginally for sure because he’s knocking on the door. After that, maybe Goat will turn. Maybe she won’t. Maybe she will drop down at least. Maybe she won’t. Maybe I’ll have to give birth in two different ways and have to recover from that. I’m pretty sure I haven’t had one iota of an ideal pregnancy since the beginning. I keep reading that I need to have a birth plan. Ha! My plan is to go full term and that isn’t likely to happen.

I hope I make it to Monday. Every day now is a gift. I know I’ve cleared a lot of hurdles thus far but I’d like to clear a few more.

Finally – my celebrity crush, my guilty pleasure, has been basically unknown in the U.S. (unless you watched The Tudors) and his movie is out this weekend and I can’t go see it!!!! I’m talking about Henry Cavill in Superman. Ugh.

30 weeks!!

It’s a good day, friends. Ever since bed rest at 23 weeks, and even more so since my preterm labor scare at 28.5 weeks, I have been waiting and waiting for this day. This was a huge goal I’ve been dying to reach for such a long time.

I’m 30 weeks today!!

Not that I’m satisfied with this. Every milestone is happily celebrated for like an hour before I’m looking ahead to the next goal. Today, though, maybe I’ll give it two hours. I used to aim for two week increments. Then it was down to week by week. Now it’s down to days. Each day is a milestone.

At this point I feel relatively confident enough to say that when I go into labor, it’s going to be okay. I’d rather not yet, but we are at a good point here.

I’d like to thank the following for helping me get through bed rest in the past few weeks: the online Baby Center Bedrest Club, Candy Crush Saga (I’m stuck on level 65), Swedish Fish, the 4-hour long Today show, and the doctor who told me to try upping the amount of Miralax I was taking. After how many years of extreme digestive/colon issues – I finally may have my solution. Two full caps a day. Why did I never think of that?

Because I have no idea when I will have these babies and when I do, I expect the following days/weeks to be pretty hectic, I wanted to let you know that I have created a new blog. The major purpose for this is to provide NICU updates to my family and friends, when I might just be too exhausted to explain their statuses.

This blog, which I’m not done with yet, has been a source of venting for me for the past few years, and I mostly was looking for advice from those who were going through infertility too. Now, I imagine my new blog will be seen by a lot of family members who never knew about this blog (and never will!) But I wanted to let you know about it in advance, as once the twins are born (and that could be anytime) my updates on them will mostly be on the new blog. I’ve seen some super cute family blogs and hope this new one continues for many years.

I still haven’t decided to what extent I want the new blog to extend outward towards the corners of the interwebs. Obviously, if you know me IRL, I have the website set up and you can already sign up to read it (though there’s not much there yet), so let me know if you want the address and I’ll send it to you.

For now, I continue to love everything this blog has done for me and continues to do. Next big milestone – 31 weeks!

29 weeks

Thanks again, everyone! It was a crappy weekend at the hospital for sure – even though I wasn’t actually ill I felt that way, both from the mag sulfate and just the way hospitals are. I should say, I’ve never stayed at a hospital before. Never broke bones, never had a serious illness – so this was the first time. Nurses and doctors were all wonderful and nice, but it’s weird to be woken up 6 times a night, no longer caring who is seeing all of your parts, or that your hair is dirty and looks gross. Anyway, I’m not a fan. But the mag sulfate worked, and so that’s why I was there.

Today I had a follow-up appointment. The babies are approximately 3lbs 4 oz and 3 lbs 3 oz. Perfectly healthy. Bug’s head is so low that to find the heartbeat the monitor goes on my crotch. He’s head down and the doctor said his head is the cork holding it all in. Goat is breech with her head under my ribs, which explains that pain I’ve been feeling. I passed the non-stress test and went home.

Things are happening, though, both in my uterus and in my brain. (TMI alert) – my mucous plug is coming out. I thought for sure I had an infection but all the cultures are negative. I’m losing the plug. It’s been happening since my last night in the hospital. From what I’ve read, labor isn’t necessarily imminent but in my mind, that was a step towards it. The doctor didn’t really have much to say. Yes, I was in preterm labor but they stopped it, yes I am losing my plug. I still have waters intact, no bleeding, and contractions are now at bay. It’s officially a waiting game. I don’t even have an appointment for 3 weeks because there’s nothing to do. It could be days or weeks.

I made a mental change in my thinking yesterday after I realized the plug was coming out and I freaked out. I spent the whole pregnancy telling myself I’d make it far, I’d make it full term, whatever. So when this scare happened I was taken aback. But I’ve turned my thinking around. 29 weekers, whose mother has no health problems, can be okay. It could be okay. If I can hold off, great, but it could happen tomorrow and I’ve accepted that. We are going to have little babies, I’m just not sure how little. I spent time panicking over the health of my children long term due to being preemies, and that’s an exhausting and emotional roller coaster of which there is no answer. So I’m trying to tuck that worry away too.

So now that I’ve accepted this new realization, that I could give birth at any time, I’ve put away some fears and brought up others instead.

– Bug is head down and read to come out and Goat is breech. The doctor thinks I could end up with both a vaginal and c-section. That scares me! Can’t it just be one way or the other? Don’t care which. Talk about a long recovery time.

– If my water breaks and no one is home, well there are people I could call, but I’m just saying – that’s pretty stressful! Did you see that news story about the woman who gave birth to her 30 week twins on the highway? I do not want that to be me.

And otherwise, I just feel unbelievably unprepared. Obviously it’s not crucial that the nursery is done (we still need to order carpeting), the decorating and furniture building is complete (not even on my radar), or that I didn’t have a shower (I’m moving past that one). Nothing about this pregnancy journey has gone normally. But I never toured the hospital, never got to take a breastfeeding course (or any course for that matter), never found a daycare (didn’t even look yet), never found a pediatrician (again, haven’t looked)…. You get the point.

Our house isn’t ready and we aren’t ready. Yes, I know if they were born tomorrow they’d be in the NICU for quite a while, allowing time to get things ready. But it just feels so odd to be doing all of this in the wrong order! You’re not supposed to give birth and then plan for it!

At this point I just have no idea what’s going to happen. I will continue the bed rest of course and just do what I’ve been doing, and hopefully days and weeks pass. If not, then… not.