Should old acquaintance be forgot…

It’s the last day of 2011, and I’m ready to see it go. I used to think that 2011 was so much better than 2010. It was, really. 2010 saw a few people I was close to pass away and it was really hard. I spent the rest of that year wondering, “Who else is going to die this year?” Horrible. I was so glad when 2011 came around. This year, I’m happy to say that it’s been better along those lines, but still not my favorite year. We started TTC this year. Prior to coming off BCP, we had been talking about TTC for literally years before that. I’m lucky that my husband would indulge in that conversation with me, even though we knew we wouldn’t be starting for a while. I originally stated that I’d be pretty mad if I wasn’t decently pregnant by Christmas. Then it was, well pregnant at ALL by Christmas. My husband used to say, right before we started, that “I’d be surprised how quickly it would happen.” All wishful thinking! That all  left my brain months ago, when I started seeing a fertility specialist.

There was so much WAITING this year. Waiting for cycles to finish (hello, 82 days), waiting for doctors to call, waiting for my thyroid to get itself into working order before continuing, and then waiting for treatment. But finally I’m on Clomid (last day is today) and I’m just happy to feel like I’ve got a little bit of a chance.

Of course, I started my blog this year, too. I have said this before, but it still stands: I never thought in a million years that it would turn into what it has become. It’s still so new, and I still have so much to learn, but it has taken on drastically different characteristics than I thought it would. But it’s great; it’s a fun new hobby that I really enjoy, plus it takes some weight off of my shoulders on a regular basis. I have a feeling there are many people who know about this who are still not totally sure why I choose to put forth my thoughts regarding fertility a couple times a week, but so many of you do understand why. Even if no one ever read it again, I enjoy writing about it.

So, while this year has taught me to locate patience in a deep-down place, I have to look ahead to next year with some hope and optimism. Otherwise, I’ll go crazy. I started dating my husband as a teenager exactly 12 years ago tonight; we’ve been through a lot together since then. We understand that it could be years until I have a child, as so many of you have had to find out. But we’re hoping that it doesn’t. And instead of analyzing to death whether it might be years or months, I’m going to have to hope for 2012 to be a lucky year. I’ve already found (some) patience, I’ve already started medications, I’ve already found a good doctor. I’m all set up. Now I just want/need to watch it happen.

Here are some fitting lyrics from the “updated, new millennium” version of Auld Lang Syne:

When dreams they seem so far away

Your soul can feel so  low,

But love is never far away

Your heart won’t be alone.

 

Well, that was enough deep-meaning reflection for one day; tomorrow I’m on a mission!

 

Do I want to share? I do..but I don’t…

I’m feeling some reflection coming on. (My friends roll their eyes when I do this.) There are so many people out there who are going through their infertility journeys that have been going on for years. They’ve had injections, IVF, and countless other treatments that I don’t even know about yet. After doing a blog search through this main site, I’ve come across some of those people. I really feel for them, and almost feel sheepish commenting on their blogs that I’m just starting my journey.

That said, I love writing this blog. It is so therapeutic to me, and helpful. But there are a few things standing in my way.

If this blog could have turned into anything, I would have loved for it to be a sort of forum for pregnancy, for those who are struggling and those who aren’t. While this is currently all about my story, I’d love to eventually hear the stories of those who are going through their own pregnancy journeys, allowing for a place full of information for anyone trying to get pregnant.

Therefore, I’ve been thinking about how to improve my blog, and I have a few thoughts. First, my story is a big deal to me. My friends are very caring and supportive, and read my posts, which I appreciate. But as I said before, so many others are going through this times 100, and in no way do I want this to sound like I’m the only one who’s struggling here. I’d love to get this out to the public, to women who could share their comments and stories.

How do you get a blog out to the public successfully? Well, it might help to own your site. At this time, I do not. But it still can be shared – through sites like Twitter and Facebook, and through word of mouth. I can put tags in my posts, to make it easier to locate. I could spend way more time on this blog, and add photos and make it look more cleaned up. I wish I had time for this!

But as I’m super excited to have a few followers who aren’t my close friends – perfect strangers going through a similar experience, I’m wondering how to keep spreading the word. I’m totally fine with my friends who already know about this sharing this with their friends – especially anyone they think might benefit from the support.

Here’s oneeee little problem. I haven’t told all of my family and friends about this. At all. Therefore, I can’t put anything on Facebook. I keep wanting to make that leap, because I know there are many of my Facebook friends who would be supportive, but then ALL of my Facebook friends would know, and many of them I’m not really close to. Do I want to put my problems out there for the world to see? It is my place to do that, when everyone has issues, but not everyone broadcasts them?

As you can see, I’m going back and forth. Once I share it with the Facebook world – it’s all out there. There’s no going back! Lately, I’ve been wanting to tell practically everyone about it. I’m not necessarily looking for anything – but it makes me feel better to get it off my chest. Unfortunately, I’m still too chicken to take that big step. So until then – I appreciate my blog followers, those who I know and those I don’t, and will take baby steps into really getting this out into the world.

Finally – I’d love suggestions! If you have a blog – what works for you? What are some challenges you faced when starting your blog? If you don’t have a blog – as a reader, what does and doesn’t interest you? What could I do to improve the look and feel of this blog? Thanks for your input! 🙂