And we’ve got eggs!!

Can I first just say – it has been so long, so very long since I was happy about anything in my life related to pregnancy (or lack thereof). It has been such gloom and doom, and other than the 4 times I’ve been in the TWW (the last time was back in July) and had some hope, there has been no reason to stop and be happy about what has happened to me. I’ll never be happy that I was dealt these cards. But today, I’m thanking modern-day science and my insurance company. Not to mention my doctor.

It’s the day after retrieval. The surgery went smoothly – I was nervous right up until I went in, and then was just like, “Let’s just do this”. I had a great nap, and when I woke up I was wishing it went on for longer. I had minor cramping, really not much at all, and no bleeding. I was tired all day long, and treated myself to an afternoon nap, with unlimited amounts of Powerade zero (fighting off any OHSS that might come my way) and some tasty Cheetos. And I thought about those eggs. 21 in all. Yes, 21! My first reaction was actually “that’s it?” because I thought I had like 40 in there. But I soon realized that the more I have out, the greater risk for OHSS, not to mention possibly more pain. So I am happy with that number.

And I waited to blog my update because I wanted to hear from the nurse today. I just did.

Out of 21 taken out, 18 were mature and ICSI was done on them. Out of those 18, 15 fertilized. 15!! That’s good, right? I mean, it seems like a good start.

And now the questions. What happens to them in the next few days? They start to become multi-celled, I think? What do they need to do to become a day 5 transfer instead of a day 3?

And my other big question: what about those dreaded PIO shots? They start tonight and I am not looking forward to it. The nurse drew the circles on my butt- not very attractive. Here’s what I’m thinking so far:

-lay down on my stomach
-warm up oil beforehand (some online said they put it in hot water. Too much?)
-after the shot, massage the spot for a while
-then, apply heat to the spot for at least 10 minutes.

How off am I? Any tips? Besides dreading the shots, I’m officially excited, and I haven’t let myself feel that in a long time. It’s a very dangerous game to play, but I can’t really help it right now. Please, let there be an embryo or two to transfer in a few days. Until then, those 15 hanging out in their petri dishes will keep my mind occupied!

Just kidding- IVF retrieval is a go.

I hate how infertility puts you through the ringer. It’s so up and down. I just got the call from the nurse – estrogen was 3098 today, exactly where they want it to be. Yesterday’s massive estrogen drop was some sort of fluke, and I guess they are going to re-run that test. I triggered with Lupron last night. Retrieval is tomorrow.

If only I had known that yesterday. Yesterday, when I was told this cycle would most likely be cancelled, and then I had to go to my in-laws’ and pretend everything was fine, which I sucked at doing, by the way. I am the worst liar. I was miserable. And since every holiday at N’s aunt’s is an invitation for teenage mothers to burst in (non family members), I wasn’t at all surprised when this couple no older than maybe 22 came in with their beautiful infant. Their happy “oops”. I was such a wreck, I literally camped out in a different room and fought back tears. I mean, of all days. Then, when N’s cousin started to hand the baby to him, I quickly plotted my escape route to the bathroom. Luckily, he didn’t hold the baby. I just hate how infertility has done this to me. When in my entire life have I ever tried planning escape routes to avoid children? I work with them for a living! But there it was. I was anti-social, quiet, and serious. On Thanksgiving. Not my finest hour, and I may owe the family an apology. But let’s face it- this hasn’t been my finest year. I’m just not myself, and it sucks.

Now I’m a wreck in a different way. This last minute change of plans has me all turned around. I’m nervous!! Not for anything in particular I guess, but nervous for surgery, for the pain, for the meds (no hives, please), for the quality of my eggs, for my husband. For OHSS. I’m just nervous. What a perfect time to be doing construction on our house.

So here we are. I’m feeling that kind of sick like when you’re nervous, and am having trouble eating much. Sleeping tonight should be interesting as well. But unless something weird happens, I’ll be at my RE’s tomorrow morning at 8:30, with retrieval at 9:15. It is finally here.

IVF round 2 and new paint.

I don’t have much of an update, but I figured I might as well keep you posted, if for no other reason to remind myself that I am still dealing with this, and so are you. I read your posts and there’s been a lot of good news lately, so perhaps that might extend my way.

I’m 5 days in with my follistim shots to the gut. This cycle, my doctor has me on only 75iu, and this is for an IVF cycle! But as we found out last cycle, which of course was cancelled before retrieval, I over-stimulate very easily. Still, it seems like a low dose. That said, my estrogen is climbing slowly and appropriately, so maybe I will actually get to retrieval this time. I am starting to feel my ovaries again. On the elliptical yesterday, apparently my resistance was too high because I felt a familiar pinch followed by a cramp. Gotta take it easy I guess. Bloating is here, and maternity pants will, pathetically, be my friend next week at work.

This sounds stupid but I am a little concerned that my retrieval could be next Saturday. It will definitely be right around there. Months ago, I bought my husband a trip around a race track in a stock car for his birthday, and Saturday is the date. And I can’t change it. I really want him to have that experience. So we’ll see.

So to practice “taking it easy”…my husband and I decided to redo our entire main floor- new white moulding, new paint, new doors, refurnished floors. Lots of work and lots of mess. But we are realizing we are going to be in this house a lot longer than originally planned, so for our sanity (since we aren’t too happy about it) we need to make this house feel more like home. So far we ripped all the moulding off and painted the dining room and attached hallway. Next weekend I might have no choice but to relax, so until then, we’re painting machines. And that’s all I’ve got! Hopefully my next post will be in regards to a damn retrieval!