After a week-long hiatus, I’m back. I wonder if you guys go through the same type of cycles (no, not those cycles) that I go through – a few months ago, in obsession mode, I would blog multiple times a week. I just wanted to keep talking about getting pregnant, again and again. Now, after some disappointment, I find myself having little desire to post, not because of all of you, but because, honestly, what is there to say? However, I do enjoy blogging, and I enjoy keeping up with all of you as well, so an update once a week is the least I could do.
My update is rather boring. I am 7 DPO, “enjoying” life in the TWW. Everything’s going along as planned, as of now, but it’s so early. Here’s my chart:
Looking at the date at the top of that chart makes me laugh with frustration. I cannot stand how long my cycles are, because of the stair-stepping. I understand that in order for me to ovulate, I have to take Clomid twice in one cycle. But those first 30 days are just unfair. If this cycle is a bust, I am absolutely calling my RE and asking if there’s anything else that can be done with Clomid so my cycles aren’t this long.
But I try not to focus on that part right now, because I am in the TWW, and grateful to be so. I am temping again, everyday, because I am curious to see what my temp does. I’d love a huge drop in temp, like, tomorrow, only to have it rise again the next day. That would be pretty telling, I think.
This cycle has been the first time ever that I have gone all of these 49 days rarely thinking about all of this. I successfully have put my thoughts elsewhere, and only really consider TTC or ovulation a few times a day, rather than a few times an hour. It’s a big improvement. I’m not sure why this happened, exactly, but I think it has something to do with me not feeling like blogging. When I blog, it’s on my mind.
The interesting thing is, this TWW has been very mentally relaxing for me, like I said. I’m really not thinking about it. True to my word, there has been no Googling, and I’m just ignoring the few “symptoms” that I have, knowing they are simply from the progesterone. I’m really fine.
But then it dawned on me this morning – secretly, in the back of my mind, I have been telling myself that maybe, if I don’t think about the TWW and I chill out, maybe I’ll be rewarded with a BFP. Because that would play out like a fairytale. Don’t think about it, and then your wishes come true. We all know that no matter how you handle the TWW in your brain (and now I’ve been on both sides of that coin), it has absolutely no effect on what the turnout will be! My body already knows if I’m pregnant or not, and I just have to wait it out. So..really, not thinking about it isn’t putting me any closer to a BFP, but it might be saving my sanity just a little bit.
And so there are other things on my mind. This past week at school was very busy. We had two field trips, with yesterday’s being one of those good, long ones on the coach buses, and we left school very early and arrived back very late. It was a good time. I dragged N along (not really dragged; he enjoys it) as a chaperone and he took a little group of 4 of my boys. He’s great with them, which I already knew.
On the way home (a 2.5 hour bus ride), I sat with various students up and down the bus, just to check on things and talk about their day. In the back of the bus, my girls were hyped up on sugar (parents give them gift shop money…and they buy candy) and happy and bouncy. I stayed with them for a few minutes. The two chaperones back there each commented on my “way” with the kids, with a father asking me if I had my own and that the kids love me, and a mother commenting that I’m a natural with kids. Then, one of the girls spilled soda all over the bus floor – haha. Never a dull moment.
Making my way up the bus, I sat with a few more girls, and a few boys. Gimping (remember gimp?) is all the rage in my class right now for some reason, and I have to admit, it does help pass the time. So I was taught to gimp yesterday, and did so while talking with the kids. I commented to a few kids how I do tend to be sad at the end of a good school year, but proud all at the same time. It’s not every year I get students that I might wish to call my own children, that I wouldn’t mind watching grow up to be productive members of society. But this year, I do have those students. I hope to go to their high school graduation, someday. A boy asked me if I thought my students were my children, since I didn’t have any of my own. I realized he was exactly right. The whole reason I get attached to my students sometimes is because they are filling this huge void. A huge void. And it takes a couple of awesome kids, leaving my room and going on to another school next year, to remind me just how big the hole is. I want children. I want children who turn out to be like these children; kind, respectful, giving, funny – and all while going through the perils of being eleven years old. I bring N on field trips, and he enjoys himself too, because he also has this void. We love kids. We are good with them. We like to be around them. It’s frankly a bit sad, and in the pathetic way, that I do use my students like this, emotionally, to help me through my days without kids. They are my children, right now, and I treat them as such. Makes the end of June a lot harder for me, but it saves me from September up until then. It doesn’t mean they don’t drive me crazy, often, and we are still barreling through our lessons. But overall, it’s been a very good year with this class, and I will definitely miss them.
Moving on – the Paleo diet is waning. I realized that when I was doing full Paleo, and my snacks were consisting of full bell peppers and endless amounts of nuts, my stomach wasn’t happy with me, at all. Then, after being frustrated at the end of the week about how little I could eat, I’d splurge on something – say, Mexican food, and eat until I thought I might die. (Sidebar – both last time in the TWW and this time, I have noticed my appetite increase about a thousand-fold. Just me?) That’s not good either. So, a few days ago I went out and bought a couple of things, just to make my diet tolerable. I bought cheese, gluten-free pasta, rice cereal..that sort of thing. As long as my health is in order, I really don’t need to be on any particular diet. I just need to not eat what bothers me, and what bothers me is too much dairy, sugar, too much fruit, gluten, and corn (ish…this one is hard to let go because it replaces so many floury things). I still will eat a lot of veggies and meat, but the nuts are hurting my stomach and I simply need other options. I’m good with that. Now, I haven’t lost any weight because of all this garbage I’ve been eating the last few days…and I’m not exercising. For no good reason besides pure laziness.
Finally, thefamilyvan was kind enough to send me The Lovely Blog Award a week ago, which I’ve been very behind on answering. I appreciate the gesture! Here’s how it works:
1. Share who gave you this award to you with a link back to their blog
2. Write down 7 random facts about yourself.
3. Give this award to
15 other bloggers. It’s going to take me a little bit of time to find out which blogs I follow haven’t already done this, so when I find you, I will comment on your blog!
4. Let them know they’ve won
5. Pop the award on your blog (Did I miss this? Where is it?)
Hmm…7 random facts about myself:
1) I LOVE marshmallow (back when I was allowed to eat it). I could eat a whole jar of fluff with a spoon, and when I got ice cream sundaes, instead of hot fudge which would keep me up all night, I’d have marshmallow topping. Yum.
2) Whale-watching is my favorite thing to do on the Cape. I’ve been on 3 or 4 whale watches in my life,with the best one occurring when I was probably about 13 or so. This humpback whale stopped to play right under the boat, so the boat sat there for a good half hour, not moving, while this whale swam back and forth underneath us. At one point, I ran to the back of the boat, where no one else was, and looked over the edge, staring at the whale’s back. I was so close I could’ve reached out and touched it, and it was covered with scratches and bumps from a life in the ocean. After that experience I was hooked on whales. They are very cool, prehistoric animals.
3) I’ve known I wanted to be an elementary school teacher as far back as I can remember. I do recall having my own little chalkboard and playing teacher, and then relished every time my mother (a high school teacher) allowed me to help correct her papers with the red pen, or even better, put stickers on something. At the time, I thought the best part of being a teacher would be correcting papers, getting to use any color marker you wanted, putting on stickers every single time, and passing them back. Ha.
4) I was born a Yankees fan, because my father is a huge Yankees fan, and both of my parents grew up in Yankee territory. Our state is unique – it’s split about half and half, Red Sox and Yankees. One time, in junior high, there was a play-off Yankee game on, but I couldn’t stay up that late to watch it. My dad promised that if the Yankees won that night, he would leave me his good Yankee hat for me to wear to school, which he had never done before. The next morning, I came down the stairs and the hat was sitting there, with a sign taped to the door that said, “Theeeeee Yankees win! Wear the hat with pride!” And I did. Now, I’ve married a die-hard Red Sox fan, with his entire family behind him, and these days, the passion of liking the Yankees isn’t there like it used to be. I have a feeling our children will be Red Sox children. That said, I did wear my Yankees hat yesterday on the field trip, and N wore his Red Sox hat. It brought up a lot of baseball conversations with the kids.
5) (Back to sugar again – can you tell I miss it?) Prior to no longer eating sugar, I was known, quite famously in my family, as a sugar-aholic. My aunts still remind me (not like I’ve forgotten) how our gatherings would go when I was in elementary school: “Mom, is it dessert time yet? Mom? Mommy? Can I have this – and this and this? Mom, how much can I have? Mom, can I have more?” Seriously, this was what I did. I’d sneak to the dessert table and consume some before dessert even started and no one noticed. We had ice cream every night in my house after dinner – and not a while after dinner, as my husband would prefer. No, as soon as the last bite of the meal was down our throats (see, it wasn’t just me), we’d be up spooning ice cream into bowls. My mother had to inflict an “every other night” rule when I was little. Also, a “two-cookies-is-enough” Oreo rule after school.
6) I had my first boyfriend in the sixth grade. I had known him ever since first grade, and he was one of the smartest in my class. (I always said – I picked all the smartest kids to be my friends. Unfortunately, I was the dumbest one amongst us). We “dated” that year, quite publicly – I believe even the teachers knew, and no one tried to stop us. “Dating”, of course, consisted of us calling each other on the phone every other night (thanks, Mom), from 7:00-7:30. During those calls, we talked about the Yankees (also a big fan) and Jurassic Park. I broke up with him in 7th grade, as soon as I laid my eyes on N, but luckily, he and I, and N, continued to stay friends, and he was one of the groomsmen in our wedding. He is now a doctor and we see him whenever he’s in town.
7) I played the part of Maria in West Side Story (only in the final song, though) in our massive 180-strong chorus production my junior year of high school. It was my shining moment, along with, as a senior, singing the national anthem at my graduation with a few others. Chorus was my life in high school, and I got my 15 minutes of fame back then. Now, I desperately miss big productions like that, and really wish to find a chorus for 27-year olds who wish to be 20 again.
Phew! Long post. That’s what happens when I wait a whole week. Thanks for all of your supporting comments regarding my IUI, much appreciated! Next time I post – I’ll probably have news. Let’s hope it’s something good.